


Spiderman and Deadpool - A Tale by Tony Stark

by Silveralm



Category: Daredevil (TV), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gen, ish
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2018-11-29 08:23:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11436966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silveralm/pseuds/Silveralm
Summary: Superheroes are pesky. Annoying. They get in Tony Stark's way.So do these red suited idiots.





	1. RED

It was going to be a good day. Tony hadn’t had one of those in a while. 

Between sorting out the team's new stuff and trying to deal with the pesky little ‘superheroes’ on the side, he was well and truly deserving a nice, relaxing, non-superhero day. 

Obviously, he knew that the only day he took off would be the day when everyone suddenly wanted him. Today, aliens would attack, some new super powered kid would try and wriggle their way into the Avengers Team, and one of his friends would reveal themselves to be working for the ‘enemy’. 

Tony knew it, for sure. And he didn’t care. Which is exactly why he was hiding away in his ‘secret, secret’ base. Well, it was more of a backup. A backup of a backup of a ton of other backups. In fact, Tony had pretty much forgotten about this little shack. It was on a small slice of land between two huge farms. And those farms were surrounded by other farms. Which meant, in total, quite a lot of farms.

All of it was far, far away from any place where any of his problems(i.e. _superheroes_ ) happened to be.  
Happily, he settled down to work on his small bench, in his old tin shed, in the middle of nowhere. Today, his only problems would be fixing this stupid hover magnet grid and whether he had enough to drink. He couldn’t care less about what those idiots did while he was away. 

Though he still hoped it wasn’t something too horrible.

——

“Stark! We, uh, have a problem,” Happy greeted, walking towards Tony. 

“On a scale of ‘one of our major weapons has been stolen’ to ‘the world is about to be destroyed’, how bad is it?” 

“Um…,” Happy fumbled, passing a coffee into Stark’s awaiting hands. They entered the elevator, which closed and selected the floor without input. Friday was probably well aware of where he needed to go. 

“Hurry up,” Tony commanded, taking a sip of his coffee. His glasses filled up with information, though he couldn’t see anything about any world ending stuff going on. Huh, maybe he had chosen an alright day to go away after all. He dismissed the notifications, leaving them for later reading.

“Spiderman is waiting for you,” Happy revealed, surprisingly nervous for such a small thing.

“What did he do this time? I thought he agreed he was only going to be the ‘friendly neighbourhood’ Spiderman. Did he find another bad guy to fight?”

“... Not exactly. From what he told me, a mercenary popped up in his neighbourhood. They’re both waiting for you.”

Tony paused, lowering his sunglasses a little so Happy could see his eyes. 

“Did you say both of them?” The elevator slowed to a gentle stop. Through the parting doors, Tony could see two distinctly red suits. “There’s another one of those suits? Hm… If only Spiderman had joined the Avengers. Then I could slowly make his suit blue. It would be a slow change, you know? I wouldn’t want to force him into it.”

“You know your suit is red, right?” Happy pointed out. Tony stepped out of the elevator. There was a small table by their entrance with a half-dead plant on it. Tony placed his cup on the table, nodding.

“Exactly. You’re a smart man, Happy.” 

“Huh?” 

The two red suits were sitting on opposite couches, both holding defensive positions. As Tony got closer, he could see that the one furthest away was Spiderman. The other one… 

Oh, no.

“No, no, no! No! You,” Tony waved his hand at the other man in a red suit. The one that wasn’t Spiderman, of course. “Out! Now!”

Spiderman made a very confused noise. 

Happy made an excited gasp, fingers darting across his phone screen. 

“Take that, Stark! I beat your high score! I want the keys, now!” Happy demanded. He held up his phone in Tony’s face. 

“Fine.” Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the fluffy pink teddy bear. Attached to it were three keys, shiny and new. Happy reached for it, but Tony pulled it away, shaking his head. “It has a tracker in it. If anything happens that I don’t like…”

“I know,” Happy replied, snatching the keys out of Tony’s hand. He grinned and stared at them for a few long moments. Somebody cleared their throat really loudly.

Tony turned slowly, and discovered the two red suits still sitting on the couches. 

“I thought I told you to get out,” Tony stated, folding his arms.

“But - !” Spiderman protested.

“Oh, right, you too. Both of you, get out! And you,” Tony eyed the man that was not Spiderman, making sure to put on his extremely serious expression. “Leave the little Spider alone. He’s sensitive, and we don’t want his feelings to get hurt.”

“Hey, that’s not - !” Spiderman cried.

“The door is that way,” Tony said, pointing to somewhere behind him. 

“Actually it’s over there.” Happy pointed in the opposite direction. “You have to go down the hallway and go through the third door on the left, and then -"

“I’m sure they’ll find it on their own,” Tony interrupted. The two red suits remained in their seats, staring at him stupidly. Well, he couldn’t quite tell through their masks but he was pretty sure if he could see their faces, they would be looking stupid. 

They still didn’t move.

Tony slammed his hands together loudly.

Spiderman disappeared up onto the ceiling. Deadpool blinked and then made a weird, groaning noise. He stretched his arms out in a ‘y’ shape above him, bones clicking loudly. 

“Was that a yawn?” Spiderman asked from his vantage point. “Were you sleeping this whole time?!” Deadpool looked up at the man on the ceiling.

“What did you expect me to do? Stark takes forever to do anything. I wanted to get some beauty sleep,” Deadpool replied, moving so he lay across the couch like a cat. “You’re on the ceiling! Isn’t that pretty cool? I wish I could climb on the ceiling.” 

“I hate both of you,” Tony declared. “Spiderman, I am disowning you as my unofficial son. The door is that way.” 

Happy quietly moved Tony’s hand so he was pointing in the right direction. 

“Yes, that way,” Tony said.

Happy reached for Tony’s arm again, but Tony put his arm down, glaring at Happy. 

“It’s somewhere near the direction I was pointing.”

“ANT! I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU IN FOREVER!” Deadpool sprang out of his seat, heading straight for him. Spiderman moved from his position, dropping down after Deadpool. Unfortunately for Tony, Spiderman tackled Deadpool right as Deadpool tackled him. The three of them ended up in an awkward pile on the floor.

“I hate you,” Tony huffed out.

“My dream threesome,” Deadpool said happily. 

Spiderman just grunted and rolled off of Tony, skilfully pulling Deadpool with him. 

“Mmm, fancy! I wish I could move like you, Spider-guy. I would totally -"

“Stop harassing him, Deadpool.” 

“Ant! I forgot about you for a moment there. My Spider-buddy is just so distracting -"

“Tony - !"

“Please save me,” Tony said, looking directly a Happy. The man just tapped at his phone, blissfully ignorant of Stark’s pain.

A loud thud from above drew Tony’s attention away again; back towards the two horrible red suits. They were both on the ceiling now, Deadpool clinging to Spiderman’s waist, their legs tangled together.

“Don’t drop me, Spider! I’m relying on you to save me!” The non-spider one cried dramatically.

“Let go of me!” The non-deadpool one replied angrily. Both of them were engaged in an odd wrestling match; one which neither appeared to be winning. When it seemed like Deadpool had the upperhand, Spiderman would crawl along the ceiling and Deadpool would have to return to clinging again. When it seemed like Spiderman was about to win, Deadpool would just wrap himself around Spiderman like a koala bear.

Tony remained on the ground, enjoying a few moments of peace. 

Quietly, he thought back to yesterday. Possibly one of the best days of he had in a long time. It was so calm and quiet out in that shed. No one to interrupt his thinking, no annoying baby superheroes crying for his attention. Maybe he should go back again soon. He couldn’t go to often, or else everyone would get suspicious. If people got suspicious, they might find out about his one quiet place. Tony didn’t want that. 

He _really_ didn’t want that.

It would be too dangerous to set up much security. He had to be extremely careful. Superheroes were squirmy, mischievous things, that always managed to find their ways into his secret houses. But not this time. He was going to make sure of that.

A large, wriggling, red missile fell down from the roof towards him. Unable to help it, Stark flinched and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, Spiderman was propped up over him, an arm on either side. Deadpool peered out from over Spiderman’s shoulder and waved. 

“Listen, Stark - “ Spiderman began. A hand clamped down over Spiderman’s mouth. A red hand. Tony hated red.

“I wanna speak to him first! Ant, -“ Spiderman reached up and took the red hand off of his mouth. Moments later, Deadpool made a muffled noise at Tony, his hand webbed onto his mouth.

“Shut up, you deserve it,” Spiderman muttered. He stared at Tony. “The other day -“ 

Spiderman was interrupted by a loud, muffled scream. 

The Spider twisted his red body around and pulled Deadpool off to the side. Spiderman webbed the other red man down quickly. Deadpool made another muffled noise, and Tony didn’t need to hear it to know that it was going to be _inappropriate_. 

Should he tell Deadpool that he was flirting with a kid? No... Not for a while. It would be fun to hold this over him. Tony was going to laugh when Deadpool discovered the truth. Actually, laughing would be too much. He would give Deadpool a good smirk instead. A smug smirk. He should practice beforehand though, to get it just right.

“I’m going to murder you,” Spiderman growled, remaining crouched over Deadpool. He then turned to Tony. “Stark. Basically Deadpool is trying to kill someone in my neighbourhood. Help me, please."

Tony considered. 

“Hm… Deadpool, if you leave the poor Spider alone…” Tony winced. “I let you talk to Captain America.”

Deadpool made noises that did not translate into words. Spiderman removed the web from the other red man's mouth. 

“You haven’t met Captain America?” the Spider asked, looking smug. At least, Tony thought he was. His eyes were a little squinty, but not that much, so he probably was smug.

“You let Spider-boy meet Captain America? Ant, how could you betray me like this!” Deadpool whined.

“I stole his shield,” Spiderman boasted, basically glowing with pride. Deadpool stared up at the Spider for a few awkwardly long moments.

“I worship you now. You are my hero, Spider-guy. I hope you said something awesome when you did it. You did, didn’t you? Please, have my babies!”

“Uh….” Spiderman answered intelligibly. Then he blurted, “Spiders lay eggs.”

Tony thought he might cry.

Happy chuckled from the corner. His eyes didn’t move from his phone.

“Have my egg babies,” Deadpool whispered.

"I mean - I... _I_ don't lay eggs!" Spiderman said, high-pitched.

"It's alright, Spider-guy. I think it's sexy."

Tony made a pained noise.

"Shut up, Ant!"

\------

“This is so much higher than before! Please don’t let me go, Spider-boy!” Deadpool smushed his face against Spiderman’s back, limbs wrapped like tightly pulled shoelaces around the younger red-man’s body. Spiderman gripped the side of the Avengers building, trying to shake the koala-human hybrid off.

Tony hovered in the air next to them, enjoying the pain of the two horrible men. Now Tony had his own red suit, so hopefully they would get the hint and get rid of theirs. Spiderman could be blue. A nice navy blue, darker than Cap’s. Deadpool… maybe black. Or purple. Actually, pink would be great! Except maybe it was a little too close to red. Purple it is then.

He just needed to find time to dye them...

“Stop squeezing so much,” Spiderman choked out. “If you stopped squeezing, I could get us down from here!”

“If I stop squeezing, I’ll fall! You’ll let me fall to my death, Spider-boy! I know it!”

“Don’t you have healing powers or something?” Spiderman questioned. He was swaying dangerously. “I think I might pass out.”

“No! No passing out!” Deadpool pulled one arm away from his limb shoelace mixture and pushed that hand into Spiderman’s face.

“Ugh!” Spiderman spluttered. He stayed silent for a few seconds whilst Deadpool rubbed his face. Tony felt a little weird.

“You have a really nice chin,” Deadpool announced.

“I’m letting go now.” 

“N - gh!” 

The two red-suits fell off the roof, one of them screaming loudly. Tony followed them, staying a few meters behind. Knowing Deadpool, he would try and grab onto Tony if he could. 

A large piece of white fabric sprang out from the red tangle. Stark barely managed to dodge it, grateful for the gap between him and the red men. As the fabric spread out, he recognised it as the parachute he had put in Spiderman’s suit. This wasn’t exactly the situation he’d imagine it being used in.

“You had a parachute this whole time?!” Deadpool shouted. Tony drifted closer, curious.

“I’m also a fucking spider-human who spends their time climbing and swinging from buildings. I could have climbed down if you hadn’t insisted on becoming a snake and squeezing me to death.” 

“Swearing!” Tony called out, being the responsible father-figure Spiderman needed. Spiderman turned to Stark, staring at him with those strange milky eyes. 

“I’m going to keep swearing if you don’t get rid of Deadpool,” Spiderman declared. 

“Spider-boy! I thought we were friends!” Deadpool wailed. 

“Watch out for the ground,” Tony warned. 

The red pair crashed into the grassy earth, one of them screaming again. 

“I think I broke something,” Deadpool said from the sad red pile. 

“Me too. Shit.”

“No swearing!” Tony ordered. The red pile laughed. Or one of them laughed. Tony wasn’t sure.

“Hey, Deadpool, can you help me fucking swear?” Spiderman asked cheerfully. Stark flew over and tugged one of the bodies free from the pile. He then tossed that body aside, picking up Spiderman instead.

“If you swear again, I’ll take your suit back!” Tony said. Spiderman eyed Deadpool for a moment.

“But, Dad!” Spiderman cried, a grin far too clear in his voice. Tony stilled, a chill running down his spine. He was definitely disowning Spiderman after this. 

“Wait… You guys are related? He’s your… son?! I suggested we have a threesome. Oh no!” Deadpool groaned and then added quietly, _“They’re both still hot though.”_

“You haven’t even seen my face,” Spiderman retorted.

“But you stole Cap’s shield, which means you are the second hottest person in existence,” Deadpool answered. Tony posed proudly. “The first hottest person is that Bucky dude. Don’t deny it, he is hot as shit.”

“I hate you,” Tony said.

Deadpool nodded sadly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! I realise that I skip over detail a bit, so some of this fic may be a bit confusing(especially the first few chapters) so I would really appreciate any comments that would help me to fix it up! I'm going to go through and make it more smooth soon, so feel free to be picky(it would really help me out!). <3
> 
> (also I know this probably doesn't inspire anyone _that_ much, but anyone who helps me fix this up can also feel free to request me to fill a prompt/idea they want to be written - I would happily do it!)


	2. ORANGE

“Could we just -” 

“SHHHH!” Deadpool hushed, creeping along close to the wall. “No talking when stealthing!” 

“But -”

“SHHHHH!” 

“... Whatever,” Spiderman whispered, following Deadpool quietly. “Karen, activate stealth mode.”

“ _Stealth mode activated_ ,” Karen replied cheerily, making Spiderman feel a little better. Whilst Spiderman knew that he _wasn’t_ nothing without his suit, he wasn’t afraid to admit it made his life a whole lot easier. Especially Karen. Karen was great.

“Now, we need to -” Deadpool turned to Spiderman and then paused, staring at him with wide white eyes. “SPIDER-BOY?! WHAT HAPPENED? Are you alright?!” 

“Shh! What happened to stealthing?” Spiderman hissed. “And - oh.” Spider-man looked down at his suit, realising something had gone wrong with it. The once beautiful red and blue material was now a stony gray, covered in splotches of red. 

“Spidey! Your suit! It’s horrifying. I thought we were going to be suit buddies… but now there is nothing left to keep us together,” Deadpool admitted sadly. “Goodbye, Spider-boy. It was nice… knowing you.” 

“You’re an idiot,” Spiderman muttered, watching as Deadpool continued on the stealth mission; shoulders hunched, dragging his feet along the ground. “Karen, deactivate stealth mode.”

“ _Stealth mode deactivated_ ,” Karen answered in a somewhat less cheery tone than before. 

“Deadpool, I’m going to climb up into that open window and then come down and open that door for you, alright?” 

“Uh huh,” Deadpool replied sulkily, hunching over even further. His shoulders shook with what might have been a sob. Shaking his head, Spiderman began to climb. It was easy to reach the window and even easier to pry it open a little and slide right in. Tony had probably done this for them, but Spiderman didn’t care right now. At the moment, he just wanted Deadpool to stop moping.

Peering around the area, Spiderman discovered it to be an empty office. The room only had the bare essentials, including a desk, a sad looking chair, and an empty jug for some reason. Spiderman clambered down, locating the door. From outside, he could see Deadpool’s blurry figure peering in. 

Even though he was only a distorted shape through a frosted window, Deadpool still looked upset. Spiderman opened up the door.

“Deadpool?” Spiderman asked, concerned. The red man stared at him blankly. 

He blinked. 

And then blinked again.

“SPIDER-BOY!” Deadpool exclaimed, running straight for him. Spiderman nearly jumped out of the way on instinct; barely managing not to flinch. Deadpool tackled him in a hug, once again koala-ing himself around the Spider.

“Do you always do this?” 

“You’re red again!” Deadpool beamed, squeezing Spiderman tightly. “I knew you’d come back to me! We can be buddies now, forever! SUIT BUDDIES!”

“I-can’t-breathe.”

“I was kinda worried, you know? I had a friend once and I thought that WE were going to be suit buddies, but then he changed to PURPLE! Can you believe that, Spider-boy? PURPLE!” Deadpool smushed his face against Spiderman’s side, sighing happily. “Hey, Spidey?”

“... Yes?” Spiderman answered reluctantly.

“Does Ant ever call you Spider-Son? Because that would be the BEST!”

“No, Deadpool. He doesn’t.”

\-----

Deadpool and Spiderman sprint down one of the many hallways in the Avengers Building, both alternating between glancing back over their shoulders and trying not to trip. Close behind, a group of security guards chase after them, guns in hands. One of them aimed at Spiderman, trying to hold their gun steady as they run. They pull the trigger.

“Noooooo! Spider-boy!” Deadpool reached for the Spider, but the projectile had already hit the other man. The two pairs of white eyes meet, desperate. 

_Damn, Spider-boy has great eyeliner._

Spiderman fell to the floor.

“I think I'm dying,” Spiderman gasped out, clutching his shoulder. “Please… tell Tony I...”

“No! Don’t say anything! You’ll survive this!” Deadpool wailed, sobbing over Spiderman’s body. He looked at Spiderman's hand, which was covered in red liquid.

Deadpool poked it.

“Ow! Deadpool!” Spiderman exclaimed, leaning away from the other red man.

“Hey, is that a real wound? I thought Ant would be using fake bullets by now,” Deadpool queried, trying to poke the Spider’s shoulder again. Spiderman shot some web in his face. 

“'Fake bullets’?” Spiderman repeated. “No, it was not a fake bullet. It was a real one. And it hurt.”

“Oh my god! Spider-boy, you're going to die!” Deadpool hugged Spiderman awkwardly, sobbing again.

“Fuck off, Deadpool.” 

“Swearing!” Tony said from some mysterious direction.

“Save him, Ant! You have to! He’s going to bleed everywhere and then pass out and die! It’s alright, Spider-boy! I’ll perform C.P.R.. I haven’t done this before, but TV made it seemed easy enough. Here, pull back your mask!” Deadpool reached for Spiderman’s face, ready to peel away the material

“I don’t think so,” Tony interrupted, pulling Deadpool away from Spiderman’s side.

“He’s going to die!” Deadpool waved his hands desperately. 

“You’re an idiot, Deadpool,” Tony sighed. He approached Spiderman, kneeling down next to him. 

“I’m fine,” Spiderman said automatically. Tony poked his arm. “OW! Can you guys please stop doing that?!”

“Pain means it’s not fine. And not fine means medical bay,” Tony reminded him sternly. He motioned for Deadpool to come over. “Come on, you can carry him.”

“I get to carry him?!” Deadpool asked excitedly at the same time Spiderman said, “He _gets_ to carry me?!”

“Yes. Now hurry up,” Tony said, snapping his fingers. 

“It’s alright, Spider-boy, I’ll be gentle!”

Spiderman grunted.

\-------

“DON’T WORRY, SPIDER-BOY, I’ll SAVE YOU!” Deadpool declared, throwing himself onto the table. He landed in front of the Spider, shielding him from Tony. Spiderman made a soft squeaking noise and tried to shove Deadpool away with his free hand. 

Sadly, Deadpool was an unmoving red mass and Spiderman’s feeble attempt did nothing other than make Deadpool think of massages.

“It’s a syringe, Deadpool. It’s meant to help with the pain,” Tony said exasperatedly.

“It could be filled with poison!” Deadpool squinted at the needle suspiciously. “I know! Stab me with it and if I get sick, we’ll know it’s poison!”

“Are you suggesting that I would try to murder my own son?” Tony questioned. Spiderman choked quietly.

“We shouldn’t rule it out,” Deadpool decided. “Stab me!” 

Sighing, Stark stepped forward and plunged the needle into Deadpool’s arm. He pushed the top down, emptying the syringe. 

“Is that better?” Tony asked, removing it carefully. 

“Is it meant to do something?” Deadpool held up his hand, inspecting it closely. He frowned and then hit himself in the face

“Are you alright?” Spiderman quickly pulled Deadpool back before he tumbled off the table they were lying on. Deadpool giggled.

“I was checking my hand was still there. It feels like my arm has been cut off!” Deadpool flicked his fingers and then sighed. “There’s no need to be concerned, Spidey. My healing factor will make it disappear pretty soon.” 

“Actually, it might take a bit longer than usual. This anesthetic was specifically designed for Spiderman, which means it’s stronger than your average pain-killer,” Tony explained, preparing another syringe. Once it was full, he walked over to Spiderman and held it out. “If you weren’t such a fanboy for Captain America, I might have let you try his.”

“Captain America?!” Deadpool gasped, moving to hold up both his hands to his face. His injected arm overshot and ended up hitting him, hard. “OW! Stupid arm!” 

“That’s another reason why I didn’t,” Tony muttered, carefully sliding the needle into Spiderman’s arm. He repeated what he had done with Deadpool, injecting the anesthetic and removing the needle smoothly. 

“Ant, you would be so cute as a nurse.” Deadpool pretend-swooned and tried to fan his face but just ended up smacking himself again. He frowned and glared at his arm.

“I’m glad you didn’t let him try Captain America’s,” Spiderman whispered to Tony. 

“Did you say CAPTAIN AMERICA?!” Deadpool clumsily rolled over to face the other two properly. “Come on, give me the goss!” 

Spiderman kicked Deadpool, making him fall off the table. 

“Thank you,” Tony said, giving Spiderman a weak pat on the back. 

“Hey, guys! I think I can feel my arm again!” Deadpool announced from the floor. After a few short moments, he added “Wait, no, it’s just my pinky. Nevermind!”

\-----

“Does that feel okay?” Tony asked, pressing the bandage down around the edges. Spiderman nodded cautiously.

“I can’t feel it that much, but it doesn’t seem too bad?” Spiderman turned his head to look at his shoulder. Deadpool was leaning close to it, scanning the bandage. He moved away, huffing.

“It’s good enough, Spider-boy,” Deadpool affirmed. “Though it’d be much cooler if I was allowed to draw Spiders on it.”

“ _Good enough?_ ” Tony murmured, shaking his head. “Is that all you guys need?”

“Actually -”

“Great! That’s good, you can leave now,” Tony responded, helping Spiderman off of the table. 

“Ant -”

“No talking, only walking. Come on.” Tony gave Spiderman a gentle push towards the door and shoved Deadpool after him.

“Listen -” 

“See these?” Tony held out some earplugs, showing them to the two red men. “They’re medical earplugs, meant to block out noise for patients with sensory overload. I found them when I got the bandages. Watch.”

Tony put the earplugs into his ears, twisting them to get them in the right position. Once they felt comfortable, he gave Deadpool and Spiderman a thumbs up. 

“See? Now I can’t hear you, which means anything you say doesn’t matter! But you can still hear me, so you understand when I say ‘leave’.” Tony felt completely calm as he watched the two red suits wave their hands around. They were probably trying to communicate through hand motions, but Tony didn’t bother to try and interpret it. 

“The door is…. Somewhere. I’m sure you guys can find it.” Tony leaned against the closest wall, which happened to be on his left. He fake-yawned, waiting for them to give up. 

They didn’t. It only seemed to get worse. Their motioning transformed into miming. At first they tried to mime on their own, both doing separate weird things. Spiderman kept pointing at his stomach and then making a drinking motion whilst Deadpool made a stabbing motion into his own leg. 

When that didn’t work, Deadpool stole a pair of scissors and started properly stabbing himself in the leg. Spiderman stopped that pretty quick by stealing the scissors and webbing them to the wall. Then they seemed to argue - there was a lot of pointing and Spiderman folding his arms involved. 

After that, they started working together; performing a long charade that made absolutely no sense to Tony. The charade was centered around stabbing and drinking, but Tony still didn’t understand. And he didn’t care.

They stopped caring as well. Tony realised that they had begun a different charade, one which involved Spiderman climbing the walls a lot and Deadpool weeping on the floor. Spiderman had ‘died’ and Deadpool was bent over Spiderman’s body, fingers wrapped around the smaller red man’s face. Tony then came to the alarming realisation that they were acting out a _romance_.

Deadpool hovered over Spiderman, leaning in slowly. 

“NO! Nope!” Tony yelped, ripping the earplugs out as fast as he could. “Okay! You win! Please, just - stop!”

Deadpool pulled away, stroking Spiderman’s face. Spiderman opened his eyes and shoved the red hand away.

“See? I told you,” Deadpool stated with pride. “It worked!”

“I already knew it was going to work. I wanted to make sure we’d tried everything else first,” Spiderman corrected, sitting up. 

“If you really wanted, we could have tried the one where I stabbed you. That would have worked too!” Deadpool offered. 

“No, thanks,” Spiderman said quickly. 

“If you don’t start talking in five seconds, I’m putting the earplugs back in and not taking them out, no matter what you do,” Tony cut in. The two red men turned to stare at him, almost like they had forgotten he was in the room. 

“Oh, right! Well, this guy…” Spiderman began.

\-------

“Done,” Tony said, placing the phone down on his desk. 

“... Really?” Spiderman asked.

“Yes. Really,” Tony answered, spinning in his chair a little. It was a nice chair, one of those ‘executive’ ones. Other than the fact that it was quite comfortable, Tony liked that it could spin. 

“Cool! I guess we can go now.” Deadpool grabbed onto Spiderman’s arm, heading towards the door of the office.

“No, wait,” Spiderman commanded, still staring at Tony. “Can you really just… do that? Just call up a crime boss and ask him to take back the hit he put out?”

“Actually…” Tony leaned forward, placing his arms on his desk. “The crime boss was a woman. And I know her, from when I was younger. We used to be good friends for a while. We even dated.”

“You _dated_ a crime boss?!” Spiderman blurted.

“She wasn’t a crime boss when I knew her. Well, she might have been. Who knows?” Tony leaned back again, waving them away. “You can go now. Please.”

Deadpool gave Stark a thumbs up, dragging Spiderman out through the door. 

“ _A crime boss_?” Spiderman muttered, turning to follow Deadpool.

Tony looked down at his phone, waiting for the two red men to leave the building. He spun his chair, smiling.

“A crime boss,” he whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all of the kudos and comments! I really appreciate them. I was going to update this a little later(when I'd written more of the next one) but I thought that would be kinda mean, so here it is!
> 
> I hope you guys liked it! <3


	3. YELLOW

> **New Voicemails: 3**
> 
> **Voicemail One:** “Hey, Happy. It’s, uh, Spiderman here. I mean, you probably saw my name on the screen, but, uh, I thought - well. I need to talk to Tony. Do you know where he is? I’ve got some… important stuff to talk to him about. No bad guys though! Ha - Hey! Stop it! Sorry, Happy - DEADPOOL! ………… _Hey, Smiley dude! It’s Deadpool now, Spider-boy was taking a bit too long. Hey, do you -_ “ 
> 
> **End of Voicemail One.**
> 
> **Voicemail Two:** “ _I’M NOT LETTING GO, YOU LET GO!_ Deadpool - seriously! …. _Hey, Smiley dude. Sorry about that. I - no, Spider-boy, let me talk. Spider-boy, stop it. Spidey. Spidey. No. SPIDEY!_ …….. Hey, it’s me. You know, Spiderman. Here’s the deal. I need to talk to Tony, as soon as I can. Text me where he is. Oh, and I’m fine, ignore the - ! …… “
> 
> **End of Voicemail Two.**
> 
> **Voicemail Three:** “Hey, Happy. Spiderman again. Just thought I’d let you know I went on an out of town mission. Don’t worry, it all went fine! I got the bad guys… mostly. Hey, if anything cool goes down, you’ll call me, right? Or text me? Oh, -! Sorry, Happy. Gotta go. Text me that address!”
> 
> **End of Voicemail Three.**
> 
> **No New Voicemails.**

 

\-----

 

“He sent it!” Spiderman exclaimed, dropping down from the web he was hanging off. 

“Finally,” Daredevil said, moving away from the door. “Can we do this quickly? I have other things to do.”

“Yeah, sure! Oh… Oh, no.” Spiderman stared at the phone, shoulders slumping.

“What is it?” Daredevil asked.

“He’s not at the Avengers Building. He’s at his house. Or one of his houses? He’s at _a_ house.” Spiderman chuckled, rubbing his neck. “The good news is, it’s not too far away?” 

“... How far?” 

“Only, like, fifteen minutes. Half an hours, tops,” Spiderman assured. “Oh, could you tap Deadpool on the shoulder? I think he might be sleeping.”

“He is,” Daredevil said, walking over to Deadpool. He touched Deadpool’s shoulder and the red man woke, blinking. 

“Oh man. How long was I asleep?” Deadpool asked, stretching. 

“An hour-ish,” Spiderman replied. “We’re leaving now.”

“Wait, Spider-boy. Do you have enough cash?” 

“Uh, I think so? I have a twenty dollar note?” 

“Cash? Why do you need money?” Daredevil questioned.

“For the cab, of course!” 

 

\-----

 

“You do it!” 

“No, you do it!”

“I’m not doing it!”

“Are you guys always like this?” Daredevil asked, tilting his head. 

“No,” Spiderman said, glaring at Deadpool. Deadpool leaned over to Daredevil.

“Maybe,” Deadpool whispered loudly. 

“... Maybe?” Daredevil echoed. Spiderman shoved Deadpool.

“We don’t hang out that much,” Spiderman clarified. 

“Hangout! Ha!” Deadpool chuckled. “Spider-boy, do you hang from the roof sometimes and wait for people to walk in. Then when the person walks in and asks what you’re doing, you say ‘I’m just hanging out!’? Because that would totally make you rise in the hot list.”

“The longer I talk to you, the more I realise why Tony says he hates you,” Spiderman mumbled. 

“Spider-boy! How could you?!” Deadpool gasped, holding his chest. “And plus, Ant never means it. He only says it because he’s jealous.”

“Jealous?” Spiderman repeated incredulously.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I don’t feel like standing out in the cold all night. Can you hurry up?” Daredevil said.

“Right,” Spiderman stated, nodding seriously. He marched up to the door. He was holding his hand up to knock when the door swung open. Tony Stark stared at them.

“There's three of you now?” Tony asked, wincing at the sight of the three red suits. Deadpool nodded enthusiastically.

“This is Daredevil,” Spiderman informed, pointing at the third suit. 

“... Fine. You can come in,” Tony conceded, a plan formulating in his mind. A plan that involved dye. Lots of dye. Dye that wasn’t red.

“But I thought -” Daredevil began. Deadpool tugged him and Spiderman through the door, vibrating with excitement.

“Come on, Dare-boy! It’s not every day you get invited into the great Tony Stark's home!”

“I have a life, you know,” Daredevil grumbled, twisting out of Deadpool’s grip and tripping him up. Deadpool face planted on the floor, stunned into silence. 

“Dare-boy?” Spiderman questioned, shooting a web so Deadpool’s hand was stuck on the floor. “It doesn’t work as well with his name.”

“If you keep this up Spider-boy, I might have to reconsider our friendship.” Deadpool tried to wrap his feet around Spiderman’s legs, but the Spider jumped up onto the ceiling before he could get a good grip. “That’s cheating!”

“Did you say friendship?” Tony asked, carefully staying out of range of Deadpool.

“Ye -” A red body dove down from the roof, landing right on top of Deadpool.

“No! He didn’t say that. I hate him, you know? He’s _so_ annoying. He doesn’t stop talking. I think he’s stalking me,” Spiderman answered, sitting on Deadpool’s stomach. There was web covering Deadpool’s mouth.

“I’m confused,” Daredevil said.

“Uhghgh,” Deadpool replied.

“As a responsible father-figure, you should make him stop. Maybe threaten him a little. You’re Iron Man, you can do that… right? You should anyway. To be a good father,” Spiderman commanded. 

“... Father?” Daredevil muttered.

“It does sound like fun,” Tony admitted. “Though you should probably un-web him.”

Spiderman hesitated slightly before dissolving the webs. When he did, Deadpool used his now free hand to stroke his face.

“It’s been so long…,” Deadpool sniffed. “I had almost forgotten what it felt like to move my fingers.”

“This is going to be so much fun,” Tony remarked.

Daredevil sighed.

 

\-------

 

“Why are the lights off?”

“It helps me think,” Tony whispered, squinting at the bottles in his hands. He should have checked before, but it was too late now. He would just have to hope that they all worked on these materials.

“What are you doing?” Spiderman asked, his voice rising in pitch. Even in the darkness, Tony could sense his twitchiness.

“Don’t worry, I’m just putting some stuff on your suits to make them stronger. It works better when applied in darkness,” Tony answered, turning towards the couch. He had covered it in plastic earlier. It had been difficult not to reveal his excitement when he told them to sit down.

“I didn’t come here for this,” Daredevil said. His figure moved but then there was a thud. Daredevil let out a soft groan, huffing out a breath. 

“It’s _Tony Stark_ ,” Deadpool whispered excitedly. “This is _Tony Stark's_ home! Why would you want to leave?”

“True,” Spiderman said.

“I only came here to speak to your boss, and you haven’t even done that yet,” Daredevil hissed in response. “Also, you didn’t need to punch me!”

“We _have_ done that. Tony is our boss,” Spiderman informed.

“He is?” Daredevil said, surprised.

“I am?” Tony questioned.

“Yes. I mean, you own my suit, right? You’re my unofficial boss,” Spiderman explained.

“ _Unofficial_ ,” Daredevil echoed.

“I guess so.” Tony turned one of the bottles over in his hand. “Wait, why are you saying this? If it means any extra responsibilities, I’m not doing it. Seriously.”

“No, of course not! You only need to re-assure Daredevil. He was kinda worried about us messing around in ‘his’ city,” Spiderman coughed. “But you know, we said we were sent there by our boss for a small extraction mission. Right, Tony?”

“I don’t think -” Tony started.

“ANT!” Deadpool interrupted. Even in the darkness, Tony could see the white eyes locked onto his own. 

“Okay. I might have done that. Maybe,” Tony agreed uncertainly. “Can I do this spray now? I’ve been really looking forward to trying it out.”

For a few seconds, the couch was silent. Then some hushed murmuring went on, too quiet for Tony to hear. Eventually Daredevil sighed, apparently giving in.

“It’s all good, Ant. Go for it!” Deadpool encouraged.

And Tony went for it.

 

\-------

 

It went wrong.

Of course it went wrong. Tony should have realised, everything always went wrong. Always.

Maybe not always. But always when he cared about it. Always when he got invested in it.

And Tony Stark _was_ invested, deeply. He felt emotion unexplainably strong about this. He doubted that anyone would be able to understand.

Tony _hated_ red suits. Only he should be allowed to have one. Not Spiderman, not Daredevil, and most definitely not _Deadpool_.

The dye mission hadn’t gone as planned. It worked, partially. But not well enough. The red men had turned the lights on to discover their suits were horrifying shades of red.

But still _red_.

Tony hated red. 

Tony would have to reconsider. To replan, rethink. He needed a different dye, too. It was unlikely that the red - well, not so much red anymore - men would be tricked into the same thing twice. If he did it again, it might be suspicious. 

Yes, Tony needed to try again. He had been foolish, this first time. He would be smarter now. He wouldn’t make that mistake again.

And when he did it, there would be no more red suits left. None except for his.

Tony smiled.

 

\--

 

A few hours later, well into the early hours of the next day, the three not-quite-red men sat around a table. Tony was in another room, claiming he had business to do.

Spiderman’s suit was probably the only one that looked close to okay. His was a weird purple-red mix, the blue parts having turned into a dark brown. If you squinted, it might seem like a fashion statement. A stupid one, but it was still there. 

Deadpool’s had somehow gotten murky yellow streaks covering most of it. Kinda like tiger stripes, actually. The rest a brown-red. It was the kind of colours that you hoped to never see anywhere, because it usually meant something horrible - something _unthinkable_ had happened.

Daredevil had somehow made his suit resistant to colour changes, which was oddly unsettling. The dye was good quality though, designed by Stark Industries. That’s why Daredevil was covered in multicoloured patches. If a picture of Daredevil’s suit and a three-year-old’s attempt at art were put side by side, you would struggle to identify which one was which.

“Mine looks like the aftermath of the worst toilet experience in existence,” Deadpool remarked, staring down at his own suit. Spiderman snorted over his bowl of cereal. “What do you think, Dare-guy? A bad toilet experience, or a million dollar art piece?” 

“I think it’s both,” Spiderman answered. “Daredevil’s is definitely an art piece though. It’s one of those ones you stare at in an art museum and wonder if it has a deeper meaning.”

“Mine has a deeper meaning,” Deadpool said.

“Yeah?” 

“It’s telling me not to eat so much Taco Bell.”

“That’s not really a deeper meaning,” Daredevil said quietly. The other two men turned to him. Daredevil cleared his throat and added, “It’s more of a message.”

“DUDE! You are so a fancy art guy for your day job!” Deadpool declared. “I bet your stare at paintings and rub your chin thoughtfully all day! Man, I wish I could have that job. Sadly I’m a full-time mercenary. Pew pew!” Deadpool made finger guns at Spiderman. The other man ignored him, continuing to eat his cereal.

“You’re a mercenary?” Daredevil questioned, sounding alarmed. 

“Oh, don’t worry! I only kill bad guys. Well, I _mostly_ kill bad guys. Most of the time. I definitely have killed a bad guy at some point. Right, Spider-boy?”

“Eh.” Spiderman shrugged, chewing. “I guess.”

“See?! Spidey said it, so it’s true!” Deadpool exclaimed.

“... I’ll decide for myself,” Daredevil said.

“I can prove it! Show me some bad guys, and I’ll slaughter them! PEW PEW BITCHES!” Deadpool shouted, standing up. Spiderman kicked him in the shin, making Deadpool topple over. He whined softly from the ground.

“Shhhh,” Spiderman hushed Deadpool, lifting another spoonful of cereal up to his mouth. 

“Shhhh?” Deadpool responded.

“Shh,” Daredevil answered. Spiderman looked over at him and nodded approvingly.

“Stop ‘shh’-ing me!” Deadpool carped, still lying on the floor. “Spider-boy! Can we switch suits? Yours looks so much cooler than mine now.”

“No.” 

“ _Spidey_ ,” Deadpool sang, springing up from his position on the floor. He leaned an elbow on the table, putting himself in front of Spiderman. Then he did a weird thing with his eyes, which might have been an attempt to flutter them.

“No. I’m going to start ignoring you if you don’t stop,” Spiderman stated. He never looked up from his cereal bowl.

“ _Spiiiiiiider_ -” Deadpool swayed closer.

“Can’t hear you!” Spiderman said, putting his hands over his ears. “Also, letting you know I now seriously hate you for interrupting my cereal time.”

“Cereal time?” Daredevil asked. Sadly, Spiderman couldn’t hear him and was unable to answer.

“SPIIIII-DEEY!” Deadpool looped his arms around Spiderman’s neck, hanging off him. Daredevil watched with a grimace as the pair tilted sideways, close to tipping over.

“Oh n -” Spiderman squeaked as the chair pitched over, dumping the two not-quite-red men on the floor. “Why do we always end up here?”

“This happens often?” Daredevil asked.

“Too often,” Spiderman replied, trying to pull Deadpool’s hands off him. After a few moments of struggling, Spiderman growled, “If you don’t let go, I’m going to go on the roof again!”

“Okay, all -” Tony began, walking into the room. Upon seeing Deadpool and Spiderman on the floor, he stopped. The not-so-red pair blinked their white eyes at him. 

“It’s Deadpool’s fault!” Spiderman accused, squirming out of Deadpool’s arms and leaping up onto the ceiling. 

“Way to go, Spider-boy. You ruined the sacred bond between us by betraying me!” Deadpool spread out like a starfish on the floor, staring up at Tony. “He was totally lying, right Dare-boy?”

“You seriously need to get a new name for him,” Spiderman muttered.

“I didn’t see anything,” Daredevil said evenly, leaning back ever so slightly in his seat.

“Excuse me for a moment.” Tony turned and strolled out of the room. The three not-quite-red men remained quiet, probably in confusion.

A short while later, Tony returned, a coffee in one hand and a phone in the other. He tapped at the screen aggressively before sighing and putting it away in his pocket.

Three pairs of eyes gazed at him.

“Hm… I’m forgetting something, aren’t I?” Tony murmured.

“Are you?” Spiderman questioned.

“I don’t think so,” Deadpool said quickly.

“You most certainly are,” Daredevil confirmed.

“I trust the horned-one the most. What am I forgetting, Horn-guy?” 

“Horn-guy?” Daredevil repeated. “I prefer Daredevil.” 

Deadpool gave Daredevil a thumbs up from the floor.

Tony looked down at Deadpool, suddenly remembering.

“Oh, it’s alright. I remember now,” Tony smiled slowly. He stalked over to Deadpool, crouching down over him. 

“You remember?” Deadpool asked, chuckling nervously. Tony nodded, still smiling.

“I have a gift for you,” Tony murmured.

“You do?” Deadpool squeaked.

“Mmhmm.” Tony reached into his pocket, sliding out a small black box. Three pointy bits of metal jutted out one end. He rolled it over in his hand, grinning at Deadpool. 

“Spider-boy, save me!” Deadpool cried, trying to move away from Tony. 

Tony started laughing.  

And kept laughing. 

And _kept_ laughing.

“You guys are idiots,” Tony declared, still chuckling. He held out the box-thing and pulled it apart. 

“It’s… a fork,” Spiderman realised. 

“Yes, a fork and a container. I mean, the fork is a little broken. One of the end bits snapped off. But still, a pretty terrifying weapon, right?” Tony said.

“Annnnt,” Deadpool whined, burying his face in his hands. “I thought you were going to murder me for touching Spidey.”

“Oh, I’ll still do that. Only when Spiderman tells me to, of course,” Tony admitted. He tossed the fork and container to Deadpool, standing up. 

“Spider-boy would never do that, right Spidey?” Deadpool asked, tilting his head up to the roof. 

“....”

“Right, Spidey?!” Deadpool repeated.

“.......” 

“SPIDER-BOY?!!” Deadpool exclaimed.

“I think that’s a no,” Daredevil said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My favourite part of this: 'PEW PEW BITCHES'
> 
> Also, imagining Deadpool, Spiderman, and Daredevil all crammed into the back of a cab was quite funny to me. I wasn't originally going to include that start bit, but I didn't think it was clear enough what was happening without it.
> 
> I hope you guys are enjoying reading this as much as I am writing. I must admit, I make myself laugh quite a lot when reading it through for editing. :D
> 
> (Also, sorry if this chapter has any description mistakes. I had to shuffle it around quite a bit, so I hope it still makes sense to you guys.)
> 
> (Also again, thank you guys for all of the comments and kudos! I spend quite a lot of time staring at them lovingly when I'm not writing.) <3


	4. GREEN

It was a Friday afternoon and Spiderman was sitting on a rooftop, doing homework. Maybe not so much doing homework as staring at it, hoping it would magically fill itself out. He glanced up at his surroundings, wishing for some crime to happen. 

Of course, he didn’t really want there to be any crime going on. Well, maybe just a little. Only a tiny bit.

He had swung around the neighbourhood, and the other neighbourhoods. Then he had been around a few more neighbourhoods too, just to be sure. 

There was no crime. Anywhere. Had everyone decided to take a break today? Was Spiderman going crazy? Was this some weird dream?

Spiderman hit himself.

Nope, not a dream. 

His homework remained the same, no more done than it had been half an hour ago. Actually, it was probably the same as it had been two days ago when his teacher had given it to him. 

Ugh. 

“Come on! Why is no one doing any crime?!” Spiderman shouted. He sighed and flopped back onto the roof. 

“Hey, Spider-boy,” Deadpool greeted, hovering over him. 

“Deadpool?!” Spiderman yelped, accidentally flinging himself off the roof. He shot out a web, catching himself before he fell too far. 

“Oops,” Deadpool said, popping out over the edge of the building. “I didn’t mean to scare you!”

Sighing, Spiderman climbed back up the wall. Once he got close to the top, Deadpool held out a hand for him. Cautiously, Spiderman took it.

“Don’t drop me,” Spiderman warned. 

“I won’t Spidey,” Deadpool replied, lifting Spiderman up and over the edge. “Though I’m pretty sure you could catch yourself if I did.”

“I would. But if you did, I would drop you over the edge,” Spiderman explained, standing up. 

“I’m not sure you’d be able to make me. You’re so small, Spider-boy!” Deadpool reached out to Spiderman, but the Spider ducked, moving away. 

“Why are you here, Deadpool?” Spiderman asked.

“Oh, right! I, um…. Are you doing anything at the moment?” Deadpool questioned.

“At the moment…? Oh, no!” Spiderman groaned, looking over the edge. “My homework!”

“Your… homework?” Deadpool repeated slowly. Spiderman nodded, walking back over to the edge.

“Be right back!” Spiderman said, leaping off. He shot a web out to the opposite building, swinging across the street. From there, he aimed for a lamp post. He accidentally overshot and ended up spinning around a few times, but still managed to grab onto it. 

His vantage point allowed him to see most of the street. He spotted the red book pretty quickly and climbed down to get it. It had landed face down in a puddle.

“Egh,” Spiderman said, lifting it off the ground. It dripped sadly. “My book!”

Gripping it to his chest with one hand, he ran and jumped at the building. He managed to make it most of the way up, but still had to climb a little to get the rest.

Spiderman heaved himself over the edge, book still clutched tightly in his hand.

“Spider-boy?” Deadpool asked quietly. 

“Yeah?” Spiderman responded, staring mournfully at the book in his hands. Most of the pages were soaked. He was probably going to have to set up the hair dryer to fix it. 

“How old _are_ you?” 

\----

“ _Fifteen_?” Deadpool repeated for the tenth time. Spiderman nodded, leading Deadpool down the street.

“Yes, fifteen,” Spiderman confirmed, just in case Deadpool didn’t understand.

“But - You - Ant - !” Deadpool spluttered. “ _Fifteen_.”

“I’m nearly sixteen, you know,” Spiderman replied, trying not to sound too annoyed.

“You - You’re just a baby! A baby Spider!” Deadpool waved his hands around. “ _And_ you’ve stolen Cap’s shield. Wow, I wish I had been as cool as you when I was fifteen. Actually, I wish I was as cool as you now!” 

“... Thanks?” 

“... A baby…. You need to be protected,” Deadpool whispered. 

“No, I’m fine,” Spiderman assured quickly. 

“I’ll protect you, Spidey! Don’t worry, no more bad guys for you. Deadpool will take care of all of it!” Deadpool announced, wrapping an arm around Spiderman’s shoulder. 

“Deadpool -” Spiderman started.

“Shh! No worrying, Spider-boy! I will take care of everything!” Deadpool patted Spiderman on the back and turned, running in the opposite direction. Spiderman watched as Deadpool disappeared around the corner, waving his arms. 

Sighing, Spiderman searched for an alleyway. He found one close by, walking over to it slowly.

Deadpool had found out his age. Spiderman had a strange feeling that Deadpool was going to be very annoying about this. He’d probably go on some crusade to get Spiderman to stop being… well, Spiderman. Or sign himself up as Spiderman’s permanent bodyguard. 

Unable to help himself, he started to laugh. Deadpool would be the worst bodyguard. He would either be over cautious and accuse everybody or be super relaxed and just have his weapons out at all times. 

Both options sounded horrible. 

Spiderman looked up, wondering whether he’d be able to get up in one jump. A little bit further down the alley was a dumpster. He wandered over to it and hopped on, bouncing to test it. It barely moved.

“Good enough,” he muttered, squatting. From there, he sprang up the wall. The roof would make it much easier to find Deadpool and give him the momentum he needed to swing down. 

Within seconds, Spiderman spotted the red suit. Deadpool had barely gotten a block away and appeared to be cornering someone. 

“Idiot,” Spiderman whispered, both to himself and to Deadpool. He vaulted over the edge, flinging a web out to the closest building. Soaring through the air, Spiderman maneuvered himself to land close by Deadpool. He dropped off the web and hit the ground, stumbling. 

“ - I mean it! Think about it, do you really want to make the poor Spider-boy get hurt! He’s so small! So… Small!” Deadpool said, moving closer to the person he had cornered. The person nodded, eyes locked onto the many weapons on Deadpool’s body. “That’s why you can’t do any crime, okay? No more crime! We don’t want Spider-boy to get injured. He so… small. Right?”

“Y-Yes,” the person agreed shakily. Deadpool beamed.

“I’m so glad we agree!” Deadpool stepped closer, hugging the person. “Now, just make sure to tell all your friends, right? Right?”

“Deadpool, let go,” Spiderman commanded. Deadpool turned, hands falling to his sides.

“Spider-boy! But wait… you can’t be here! I told you, no more crime! I need to protect you!” Deadpool hurried over to Spiderman’s side, drawing a gun out of one of his many holsters. 

“NO! No guns!” Spiderman squeaked, snatching the gun out of Deadpool’s hand. He gazed at it wonderingly before shoving it back into Deadpool’s holster. 

Someone coughed. 

Spiderman looked up, seeing the person still standing there. 

“Oh, you can go. He was just messing around... _right, Deadpool_?” Spiderman said meaningfully.

“No, I’m no -” Deadpool started.

“See? Haha, just fun. You can go,” Spiderman interrupted. The person remained still glancing in between them. 

“I -” Deadpool started again.

“No, seriously. I’ll shoot him if he tries to hurt you,” Spiderman assured. Slowly, the person moved away. Then they ran, sprinting off down the street.

“DON’T FORGET TO TELL YOUR FRIENDS!” Deadpool shouted after them. They didn’t look back.

“Listen, Deadpool -” 

“Would you really shoot me, Spider-boy? Because that seems mean. I don’t really like gunshots. Though I’d forgive you, it’s alright. Do you want to shoot me? Because you can. Though I’d prefer you didn’t. But you can,” Deadpool said.

“What?! I meant I was going to shoot you with my web! I don’t even _have_ a gun,” Spiderman replied, surprised.

“Oh,” Deadpool said. “That’s good.”

“Yes. Deadpool, you don’t need to take care of me. I can take care of myself! I’m not a child, Deadpool,” Spiderman argued.

“ _Fifteen_ ,” Deadpool muttered.

Spiderman folded his arms.

“Plus, what are you going to do about it? Telling innocent people to stop committing crimes isn’t exactly going to make them stop. I think that someone would have tried that already,” Spiderman added.

“That was a criminal! They were wearing a beanie!” Deadpool said.

“... A beanie?” Spiderman questioned.

“Yes, a beanie! A black beanie! That’s a common sign of criminal-ism,” Deadpool explained.

“ _Criminal-ism_? You can’t stereotype people like that, you have to actually see them commit a crime! Also, I’m pretty sure the beanie was navy blue, not black,” Spiderman pointed out.

“It was black. I saw it,” Deadpool said.

“It was blue,” 

“Black.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“No.”

“I’m not that easily fooled, Deadpool,” Spiderman replied.

“Ha! That means you were nearly fooled, or else you would have just laughed at me!” Deadpool declared.

“Deadpool…” Spiderman trailed off, staring at Deadpool.

“Ugh, fine. I guess we can talk about serious stuff then. But make it quick! I came here for a reason… A _very_ important reason!” Deadpool huffed.

“Really? Because if we need to -” Spiderman began, but Deadpool waved his hand.

“Not that kind of important, Spidey. You can go first,” Deadpool said.

“Well, we need to set some rules,” Spiderman paused, waiting for Deadpool to say something. 

“It’s serious time, Spidey. Don’t worry, no flirty comments from me now,” Deadpool assured, then whispered, “ _Fifteen_.”

“Since you’re so upset about this age thing, how about we decide on when you can help me? Like, if I have to fight a crime boss or something?” Spiderman suggested.

“Smart, Spidey! Okay, I have two rules. One, you call me if you’re fighting someone big and scary. Two, I get to shoot the big and scary people,” Deadpool offered.

“... Non-fatally,” Spiderman said.

“Ehhh,” Deadpool hesitated.

“Or I could not call you at all?” Spiderman proposed.

“Fine. But if they kill you, I’m allowed to kill them,” Deadpool decided.

“I won’t really be able to stop you if that happens,” Spiderman said with an awkward laugh. “Anyway, what was the thing you wanted to talk about?”

“We should probably get off the street first,” Deadpool stated, waving at the people around them.

“Oh, right.”

\------

 

“ _Puppies?_ ” Spiderman asked.

“ _Puppies_ ,” Deadpool answered.

 

\-------

Tony Stark sat in his workshop, gazing at the tangle of wires in front of him. He continued to gaze, eyes somehow remaining open even though he was ninety-five percent sure that he was actually asleep. The other five percent of him was too busy calculating how much caffeine he had today to even consider sleep.

A cup of coffee appeared on the table. How long had that been here? Was this some mysterious dream? Though Tony didn’t really dream much anymore…. Maybe it was a hallucination?

Tony reached out for the coffee, but a hand snatched it away. Tony frowned, putting his hands back down. This was an annoying hallucination. What kind of hallucination didn’t allow him to have coffee?

“.... Tony. Tony. Can you hear me? Hello?” 

“Go away,” Tony replied on instinct. He looked up to see Happy, holding the cup of coffee. “Wait, don’t do that. Give me the coffee.”

“I think you’ve had enough for today, Stark. Plus, I only came to deliver something for you,” Happy said, turning away. Tony closed his eyes sadly. 

“If you’re going to sleep, you could at least go to the couch,” Happy said.

“I’m not sleeping,” Tony mumbled. “Just… closing my eyes.”

“... Sure,” Happy agreed. Tony heard a rustling noise. “Holy….! Uh… Tony. You might wanna open your eyes.”

“Mmmm,” Tony replied, eyes still closed. 

“Tony, seriously. There are _puppies_ ,” Happy said.

“.... Puppies?” Tony repeated, opening up one eye. And there were indeed puppies, three of them. Running around the workshop. 

_Tony’s_ workshop. 

“Oh, no! Stop! No, don’t go near that!” Happy commanded, catching one of the puppies. Another one ran loops around the room, yipping excitedly. The third one sat at Tony’s feet, tail wagging so hard it’s tiny body shook.

“Don’t you guys check these packages?” Tony questioned, watching the puppy at his feet uneasily. The other one trotted up to it and did a weak leap, tackling its fellow puppy. “Hey! Don’t do that!”

The two puppies yipped, scrambling apart. The running one took off again whilst the other one tried to hide behind Tony’s feet. 

“Well… Spiderman sent this to me…,” Happy explained, scratching the ears of the puppy in his arms. The thing whined, trying to wriggle out of Happy’s grip.

“Spiderman? Why would he…. Are you sure this is from him?” Tony asked.

“Yes. He called me so many times to tell me he was going to be sending something,” Happy answered, reaching into his pocket. “Seriously. Look.”

Happy held out his phone, showing the ten missed calls on the screen. He then went into his call history, scrolling down. 

And down.

And down. 

And a little further.

All of it was calls from Spiderman.

“Wow. Who pays his phone bills? It’s not us, is it?” 

“Uhhh….” Happy tucked his phone away, patting the puppy. He didn’t meet Tony’s eyes. Tony felt something tug at his foot.

He looked down to see the puppy with its teeth locked on around his shoelaces, pulling with all of its might. Listening closer, he could hear it letting out weak growls. 

“What was Spiderman thinking?” Tony wondered.

 

\-----

 

“They’re so adorable,” Deadpool cooed, peering in through the window. Spiderman grunted, pulling them up the building. “Can we steal them?”

“We put them there, Deadpool,” Spiderman replied, glancing in. One of the puppies did a wobbly gallop towards them, nearly falling over with excitement. Spiderman forced himself to look away.

“Pleeeeaaassse. Look at them, Spidey,” Deadpool pleaded, squeezing Spiderman slightly. Deadpool rested his head on the Spider’s shoulder. “So cute.”

“Fine,” Spiderman huffed. “But we have to get the other stuff first. This was _your_ plan, you know.”

“Puppies or Stark technologies? I know which one I would pick,” Deadpool said.

“You can get puppies from a lot of places. You can only get Stark technology here,” Spiderman replied.

“Or on the black market,” Deadpool whispered.

“We’re right next to each other, Deadpool. I can hear everything you say,” Spiderman stated.

“Oops,” Deadpool said, not sounding sorry at all. He shifted slightly on Spiderman’s back. “Are we -”

“Only a little bit further,” Spiderman answered.

“Wow, Spidey - “

“I read your mind? I know.” Spiderman said. “And you don’t need to say the other thing. I already know.”

“Can I say it anyway?” Deadpool asked.

“No.”

“Spidey, I -”

“Oh, look at that! We’re here!” Spiderman announced.

“We are?” 

“No, I was just saying that to get you to stop talking.”

“ _Spider-boy_ ,” Deadpool whined.

“We are now though, so hold on,” Spiderman informed. Deadpool squeezed even tighter.

Carefully lifting one hand off the wall, Spiderman shot a web up to his left. 

“Ready?” he asked.

“N -”

“Too late,” Spiderman said, pushing out from the wall as hard as he could. The two red men swung through the air, momentum directing them around the edge of the Avengers Building and onto the other side. While they were moving, Spiderman shot out another web towards a lamp post, hoping it would be enough to slow them down in time.

The webs pulled tight against Spiderman’s arms, but Deadpool held on even tighter. They slowed, then swayed backward, dangling in the air. Spiderman struggled to breathe. 

As they went back and forth, Spiderman looked down, recognizing the ground underneath him. He grinned in excitement.

“.... We’re… in…,” he gasped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking, what could make this story more interesting? Puppies was definitely at the top of that list. I considered kittens, but puppies are a bit more distracting than kittens. Did you guys like them? 
> 
> Also, Deadpool finding out about Spiderman age. Obviously, they're still going to be friends, but it's interesting to think about how it will change Deadpool's behaviour. Hopefully it lived up to expectations!
> 
> This is the first chapter that going to lead on to the next one.
> 
> By the way, I'm updating this two days earlier than I was planning. I might be a little later with the next one(Saturday, maybe?) but I should be on track. The next chapter is such a mess at the moment. :O
> 
> (Once again, thank you for all the comments and kudos! I think I stare at them so much they've been burned into my eyes.) 
> 
> <3


	5. BLUE

Tony Stark leaned over the three carriers on his desk, hovering his hand above them. A small black snout poked out of the carrier on the left, twitching. Tony stared at Happy, watching as the man wiped his forehead - even though he wasn’t sweating.

“If you don’t pick a favourite in ten seconds, I’m taking them all,” Tony announced. 

“But they’re all so… perfect,” Happy confessed, chewing his lip. “Please, don’t make me do this.”

“.... five seconds left…” Tony replied, gazing emotionlessly at the other man. Happy whimpered.

“... Fine! The middle one. The one with spots,” Happy decided. Then he whispered, “I’m so sorry. You’re all so beautiful.”

“Here. It’s yours,” Tony said, pushing the dog carrier forward. Happy took it, his face lighting up as he looked inside. A small yip emanated from the thing.

“Thank you, Stark.” Happy said, lowering the carrier. “Hey, have you checked the news around Spiderman recently?”

“... I am now,” Tony answered, pulling up the news articles. After putting in the word ‘spider’ the site automatically filled it out and searched.

> **Published: two hours ago**  
>  ‘SPIDERMAN SAYS HE WILL SHOOT RED-MAN’  
>  _‘A mysterious red man cornered Alex Slider yesterday evening, telling her to ‘stop committing crime’, only to be threatened by none other than Spiderman.’_  
> 

“... Odd,” Tony mumbled, tapping on the article. The page loaded, showing some blurry photos from what appeared to be street camera footage and a video option.

> _‘Whilst walking home after work around 5 pm yesterday, young Alex Slider was stopped by a man in a red latex suit. According to Alex, she thought that he was a college student acting out a dare. “He was waving his arms around. With that and the suit, the only explanation I could come up with was college-student,” Alex said. After that, the red man rambled about Spiderman, calling him by the name of ‘Spider-boy’ and repeatedly emphasizing his size. “He talked a lot about Spiderman being small. I hadn’t really thought about it before, but even now I think Spiderman is about average height. I mean, I don’t know, I haven’t measured him,” Alex told us._
> 
> _The red-suited man was only stopped by the appearance of Spiderman. Alex managed to record a bit of their conversation.’_  
> 

Tony was confused. Well, only a little. He was more concerned. But still, only mildly. He was curious though.

Entirely. 

There were only two red-suited men that Tony knew knew Spiderman. And only one of them called Spiderman ‘spider-boy’. Tony clicked on the video, already knowing what it was going to be. When you’ve been around Spiderman and Deadpool long enough, all their arguments sounded the same. And by long enough, Tony meant five minutes.

The audio crackled.

**_“- No, seriously. I’ll shoot him if he tries to hurt you -....”_ **

Oh. Well, if definitely sounded like Spiderman talking, even if it didn’t seem like something Spiderman would say. 

“Do you think it’s really Spiderman?” Happy asked the puppy now in his arms. Tony pushed the article away, sitting down in his chair. 

“It sounds like him. Being around Deadpool can make you say weird things,” Tony answered thoughtfully. “Maybe we should just ask him ourselves.”

“Do you want me to call him?”

“Oh, don’t worry. Spiderman’s already in the building. He’ll be here soon.” Tony flicked up the security footage, picking out the outside camera. The camera showed the red pair standing by a door. 

Tony smiled.

 

\-----

 

“I think you gave me bruises,” Spiderman complained, rubbing his aching sides. “Are you sure you aren’t part snake?”

“I don’t think so. Do I have fangs?” Deadpool asked, jutting out his chin and staring at Spiderman. “Oh, wait, I forgot. I’m wearing a mask... I don’t think I have fangs. It would be pretty awesome if I did though.”

“You know, I always thought breaking into a building would be so much cooler than this. And by breaking into a building, I mean a _planned_ break in. Not that silly thing we did last time,” Spiderman said.

“Hey, that ‘silly’ thing went pretty well, thanks.”

“You spent half an hour cuddling me on the floor and the rest sobbing over me being shot,” Spiderman pointed out.

“But…. I also…. Did something? What did I do, Spidey?” Deadpool questioned.

“Not much, really… We did break in, at least.” 

“Yeah, we did! Wow, Spider-boy. You make such a great argument,” Deadpool said.

“Are you ready?” Spiderman asked. Deadpool leaped at Spiderman, but the smaller red man tumbled out of the way without thinking. 

“Spidey…” Deadpool mumbled, his voice muffled by the ground. 

“What were you thinking?” 

“The last time you said that you jumped from a great height. I didn’t want to fall again.”

“.... We’re on the ground, Deadpool.”

“Huh,” Deadpool said, still lying on the grass. “I guess we are.”

 

\----

 

The way Deadpool moves sometimes, it makes Spiderman think about how easy it is to forget he has a ton of weapons on him. Sure, Deadpool might be an experienced mercenary - but the way his motions slot so seamlessly into each other, how each step appears effortless and relaxed… Spiderman quite often forgets that amount of weapons his friend carries.

When Spiderman looks closer, he sees how Deadpool moves consciously of his weapons. When Deadpool leans back against a wall, he does it at an angle, careful not to lean too much on his swords. When Deadpool tumbles to the ground, he makes sure to balance his weight on his knees and elbows, avoiding his back and thighs. Even now, as Deadpool crawls along the ground, Spiderman can see the tightness of his muscles, the awareness, the -

Deadpool slammed head first into a table.

“Agh! Since when was that there?!” Deadpool hissed at the table, which had been there the whole time.

Okay, so... maybe Spiderman was wrong. 

“I hate when tables appear in front of you. Don’t you hate that, Spider-boy? I also hate when walls get in my way. Do they get in your way, Spidey? Why can’t things just… not be there?” Deadpool tried to shuffle around the table and hit his elbow against the ground. “Urgh!”

Deadpool lifted his elbow off the ground, trying to look at it but ended up hitting himself in the face instead. He flopped down, resting his face against the ground. Spiderman let out an amused breath.

“Are you alright?” Spiderman asked, trying to hold in a chuckle.

“The world is against me. Everything hates me. Even myself. Please Spidey, love me,” Deadpool mumbled, still face down on the ground.

"You’re over dramatic,” Spiderman said but sat down next to Deadpool anyway. “I’m sure someone doesn’t hate you.”

Deadpool sniffled quietly.

“... I have something that might make you feel better.” Spiderman held out a slightly deformed chocolate bar. Deadpool looked up. Spiderman hesitated, hand hovering in the air. “It’s a little melted, sorry.”

“Spidey…,” Deadpool murmured.

“Yes?” 

“You’re the BEST!” Deadpool reached out suddenly, but instead of going for the chocolate, his arms wrapped around Spiderman’s waist. Spiderman sighed and patted Deadpool’s head softly. 

“We do need to continue with the break in,” Spiderman told him. 

“In a moment, Spidey,” Deadpool said, rolling over so his head was resting on Spiderman’s lap. Deadpool took the chocolate out of Spiderman’s hand and tore open the wrapper. “I need to have my chocolate first.”

 

\-------

 

“ _Under the radar…. Under the radar…,_ ” Deadpool sang, sliding along the floor. “ _Two guys chilling, under the radar…._ " 

“Shh!” Spiderman hissed, crawling along the ceiling after Deadpool. “What was it you said last time? …. ‘No talking when stealthing’?” 

“We’re stealthing?! Shh, Spidey! No talking!” Deadpool held out his hands in two separate ‘o’ shapes and then moved them up to his eyes, looking around. Spiderman sighed, jumping down from the roof.

“What are you doing?” Spiderman asked, crouching near Deadpool.

“I’m on the lookout,” Deadpool replied. 

“Through your hands?”

“No, these are binoculars.”

“....”

“Oh wait, these are hands! Nice one, Spidey. Hey, do you have any binoculars?” Deadpool reached out to Spiderman, but the Spider moved away before Deadpool could touch him.

“Deadpool, I don’t have binoculars,” Spiderman told him. “Do you see anyone?”

“Well, Spider-boy, if I had binoculars -” 

“Deadpool, if you need binoculars to look down a hallway, you probably need glasses,” Spiderman said. “But you don’t, because you have super-healing.”

“But binoculars are so cool. They would make it feel like a real break in!”

“This _is_ a real break in.” 

“Oh,” Deadpool said. “Well, there wasn’t anyone there when I checked.”

Spiderman folded his arms.

“Fiiine, I check again,” Deadpool huffed, peering down the corridor again. Spiderman crouched down next to him again, listening carefully for footsteps.

“There’s no - ” Deadpool flinched, arms reaching for his sword. “Spidey!”

“Deadpool,” Spiderman replied, calmly staring at the man. “I’m going now.”

“What?! Spider-boy, wait!” Deadpool cried, trying to stop Spiderman. The Spider easily side stepped him and moved out into the corridor, jumping up onto the ceiling. “Don’t leave me!”

“Shh!” Spiderman looked up and down the corridor, thankful and surprised(but mostly thankful) to see it was empty. “You’re meant to be coming with me anyway unless you want to stay here.”

“I don’t! Wait up, Spider-boy!”

 

\--------

Spiderman shot out a hand, stopping Deadpool before he could go any further into the room. 

“Something’s wrong,” Spiderman told him. Someone laughed a laugh that reminded Spiderman faintly of an evil villain’s laugh. Only faintly though, like the film had too low of a budget to find someone with a proper evil villain laugh.

Across the room behind a glass desk, a chair span slowly around, revealing Tony with two small puppies on his lap. Spiderman and Deadpool jumped, looking guilty.

“I’ve -” Tony started, but stop suddenly, grabbing one of the puppies just before it jumped off his knees. “Stay still,” he ordered, staring intensely at the tiny things. One of them whined, flopping back down. The other one remained still, spread out on its side and apparently asleep.

“Wait a moment,” Tony ordered and gently span the chair back, being careful not to disturb the puppies. After a few short moments, he spun back, scratching the awake puppy’s ears. “I’ve been - “

The awake puppy yipped loudly and chewed at Tony’s hand.

“I’ve been…,” Tony paused, eyeing the puppy. It ignored him, continuing to gnaw at his fingers. “... waiting for you.”

Deadpool swooned, fanning his face. Spiderman held onto him, stopping him from moving forward.

“They’re so adorable,” Deadpool announced. Spiderman remained silent, staring wide eyed at Tony. Or maybe he was looking at the puppies. 

“Explain yourselves,” Tony said.

Deadpool took in a deep breath, hands lifting in preparation.

“No! Nevermind. Spiderman, explain.”

“... Well,” Spiderman began reluctantly. “We were just -”

“Breaking into the Avenger’s Building?” Tony questioned.

“Uh… yeah. That.” Spiderman looked down, avoiding Tony’s eyes.

“... Do you have a good reason, at least?”

“Oh, we were -” Deadpool started, but Spiderman squeezed his arm tightly and shook his head. 

“No,” Spiderman said, to Deadpool and Tony.

“Maybe Deadpool should explain?” 

“No! No. He’ll make it sound worse. We weren’t here to steal Stark Technology… we only wanted to try some of it out,” Spiderman said.

“Especially Cap’s uniform!” Deadpool added before Spiderman could stop him. The Spider sighed but nodded.

“Deadpool, you’re a bad influence,” Tony announced. “And I’m not just talking about this.”

Tony pulled up the article he had seen earlier, adjusting it so the red pair would be able to see it too. 

“‘Spiderman says he will shoot red man?’ Well, that’s not very creative. If I was a -” 

“I wouldn’t shoot Deadpool! At least, not with a gun. I wouldn’t shoot anyone,” Spiderman blurted. Tony nodded.

“I know. Listen to this.” Tony played the audio, watching them carefully. Neither appeared too surprised.

“See?! I told you they were a criminal,” Deadpool exclaimed proudly.

“Recording a conversation doesn’t make someone a criminal… does it?” 

“Friday?” Tony asked. 

“Recording a conversation is legal, as long as one of the parties in the conversation gives consent,” Friday informed.

“So… it was kind of illegal? Beanie-person didn’t really talk that much,” Deadpool said thoughtfully. 

“... Maybe. But I don’t want to make someone a criminal!” Spiderman said. 

“I wanted to make sure it was you talking. If it wasn’t, it could be possible that someone was trying to attack you through media,” Tony explained. 

“I did say that. But I meant shooting him with my web! I don’t even _have_ a gun,” Spiderman assured.

“I wouldn’t mind if you shot me. I would be sad, but it would be okay. Are you sure you don’t want to shoot me?” 

“I don’t want to shoot you, Deadpool. I told you before.”

“... but everyone wants to shoot me,” Deadpool huffed. 

“I swear I don’t, Deadpool,” Spiderman said honestly.

“As great as this conversation is, we should probably move on. I mean, don’t you guys want to try out Captain America’s -” Tony said.

“CAPTAIN AMERICA?!” Deadpool burst out.

“... Yes, Captain America. I will let you see his uniform - but no touching!” Tony cautioned.

“Some touching?” Spiderman requested. Deadpool nodded enthusiastically. 

“... One touch,” Tony said with a sigh.

Deadpool squealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long for this one! It was being a bit difficult, but it's here now. 
> 
> The chapter after this is going to be the last unless I can't finish it right in the next chapter. Don't worry I'll try to make it longer than normal chapters as a goodbye gift. Basically, this fic doesn't have much of a direction(as you may have noticed) and I'm just writing whatever I feel like, so I don't want it to drag on for too long.
> 
> If there's anything you want to see in the last chapter, tell me and I'll try to put it in for you guys. :D
> 
> I've also decided that I would quite like to do another fic(preferably Spiderman related) after finishing this, so if you guys have any ideas or prompts you would like to see me write, feel free to tell me. However, I recently watched a TV show and might start a fic for that... so no promises.
> 
> Thank you guys for all the comments and kudos on this! It's the main reason I feel inspired to write. :D
> 
> <3


	6. INDIGO

“I don’t think that’s quite right,” Spiderman commented, trying to peer over Deadpool’s shoulder and into the hood of the car. Deadpool stood up suddenly holding a hand out. “Uh…”

“Seriously, Spider-boy, how much do you know about cars? Which one of us has been driving for longer?” Deadpool replied, reaching past the Spider to grab the thing of oil. 

“You have a license?” Spiderman asked teasingly.

“I didn’t say that, Spidey,” Deadpool remarked, leaning back into the car again. After a short pause, he added, “After the number of crashes I’ve been in, I don’t think they’d give me another copy of my license. It’s probably lost in my apartment somewhere, though.”

“Wait… you really don’t have your license? That’s illegal! What if we get pulled over?” Spiderman exclaimed. 

Deadpool started laughing, shoulders shaking. “‘ _That’s illegal!_ ’” he said, badly mimicking Spiderman’s voice. 

“Hey! Seriously, if we get pulled over, you’re driving without a license with a… with a, um, teenager in the car. They’ll give you a fine!” Spiderman pointed out. 

“Ah, yes, because the cops would totally ignore that obvious suit of yours. It’s not like being _Spiderman_ would get you off tickets anyway,” Deadpool replied, tone thick with sarcasm. Spiderman frowned. 

“I wouldn’t do that!” 

“That’s exactly why they’d do that for you. It’s kinda stupid, you know. No one’s nice to me just because of my suit,” Deadpool complained.

“That’s just because you’re not as approachable as me,” Spiderman said, waving his hand as if to dismiss the notion. 

“You should be nicer. I’m fixing this car for you, Spider-boy,” Deadpool stated.

“It’s your car,” Spiderman replied, then, after a slight gasp, “Oh no, it’s not your car, is it? Did you steal it? I thought it was too nice…” 

“So kind,” Deadpool muttered.

“... I’m not sure I want to get into a stolen car.”

“Aw, come on, Spider-boy. I _know_ you noticed me speeding,” Deadpool said, standing back from the car. He nodded to himself and then began to let down the hood. 

“But - I was just - that wasn’t…” Spiderman spluttered. “I was just being nice to you. I mean, a little speeding isn't that bad, right?”

“Oh my, Spidey. You’ve been speeding? Are you even old enough to have a license?”

“I - I had to! There was this evil robot bird guy, and he was going to steal Stark’s stuff!”

“You drove without a license _and_ you went over the speed limit? Wow, Spidey. You should just give up and become a criminal already. If you were, we could be even better friends!” Deadpool declared, walking over to the driver's side. He opened the door and slid in, waiting for Spiderman to follow.

“No thanks,” Spiderman said, opening up the door. He was about to get in when he paused. “Wait… this is still the stolen car.”

“Yep. I don’t think we’re going to find a car rental place for a while, Spidey. Plus, this way you get to embrace the crime life!” 

“... Fine. But we’re changing cars at the next town, okay?”

"Sure, Spidey.”

\-----

“You guys took longer than expected,” Tony remarked, checking his watch. Yep, he’d been waiting here for over an hour for these two idiots to arrive. And he had planned to be fashionably late. Seriously, was Google Maps really that far off?

“Deadpool decided that we should take the ‘scenic’ route. He got us lost for half an hour and then the car died,” Spiderman said, dropping his bag off his shoulder and jumping onto the couch. He stretched out on it, resting his head on his arms. His eyes drifted shut. 

“Aw, poor Spidey. Still sleepy even after napping for half of the car ride?” Deadpool sat down next to Spiderman’s head, forcing the Spider to wriggle back a bit. In response, Deadpool patted Spiderman’s head.

“Car rides always make me sleepy,” Spiderman mumbled into his arms. “Can’t help it.”

“You’re really living up to the teenage stereotype, Spidey. Sleeping till the afternoon? Let me guess, you had to stay up to midnight doing your homework?” Deadpool observed, poking Spiderman’s face. The Spider swatted his hand away.

“No. My homework is still waiting for me back at home,” Spiderman replied. He suddenly shot up into sitting position, looking around the room wildly. “Oh, shit. Is it Sunday today?” 

“Deadpool, have you been teaching him swear-words?” Tony questioned.

“It is Sunday… why?” Deadpool answered, ignoring Tony.

“Oh, fuck. Oh no. My homework is due in tomorrow, and I’ve done none of it! I’m going to get in so much trouble with Ms. Grey.” Spiderman dropped back onto the couch, hands covering his face. 

“Uh… I’m sure it’ll be fine?” Deadpool said in an attempt to be reassuring.

“No. It won’t be.” Spiderman peered through his fingers, up at Deadpool. “Thanks, I’m never going to be able to sleep now.”

“I think I have a solution,” Tony announced, then reconsidered. “Uh, maybe not a solution for the no-sleep thing. Well, maybe. You’ll still have to do your homework, but the reason - “

Tony stopped suddenly, eyes going wide. He stayed silent for a few moments. 

“Is he alright?” Deadpool whispered loudly to Spiderman. 

“Shut up,” Tony said, not aggressively. “Wait… how does Deadpool know about your age? Does he know who you are?” 

“He doesn’t. Well, he does, to the first question. No to the second question. We were just, um… It’s the reason why Deadpool ran up to that girl a while ago, the one in the article?” Spiderman answered.

“Deadpool harassed someone because of your age?” Tony frowned. 

“I was trying to stop the criminals.” Deadpool huffed.

“I told him that telling criminals to stop being criminals doesn’t really work. Also, wearing a blue beanie does _not_ make someone a criminal!” Spiderman responded.

“It was black! Everyone knows wearing a black beanie makes you a criminal,” Deadpool argued.

“If everyone knew that, then why would criminals wear black beanies, Deadpool? Are they really that stupid?” Spiderman questioned.

“Yes! Well, not exactly. I don’t know. Maybe they wear them to recognise each other?” Deadpool offered.

“... It was a blue beanie anyway,” Spiderman replied. “You don’t even wear black beanies.”

“You don’t know if I do. Maybe I’m wearing one right now!”

“Under your mask?” 

“Yes.”

“That sounds uncomfortable. Wait, hold still,” Spiderman ordered, reaching up to touch Deadpool’s head. After a few pokes to Deadpool’s skull, Spiderman nodded and pulled away.

“... What are you doing?” Deadpool asked. 

“Checking if you’re wearing a beanie. You aren’t. Your head would feel soft if you were!” Spiderman answered. 

“I think we’re missing an important fact here,” Tony interrupted. The two red men turned to him. “Spiderman, you told a mercenary about your age. He could use this against you! What if he tells someone?”

“Deadpool wouldn’t do that. He owes me. I gave him chocolate and tacos,” Spiderman replied calmly. 

“True,” Deadpool agreed.

“Okay, what if he _accidentally_ tells someone?” Tony tried again.

“He’ll, um… I’m sure he’d find a way to, you know, silence them,” Spiderman answered, stumbling over the words a little. Deadpool swooned.

“Aw thanks, Spidey! I would happily kill someone for you!” Deadpool agreed.

“No! No killing, just… um… silencing,” Spiderman said. 

“Torturing them?” Deadpool questioned.

“No, not that either.”

“Cutting their tongue out?” 

“I don’t think so. That would kinda ruin their life, which isn’t very nice.”

“Blackmailing them?” 

“... I’m not sure on that one.” Spiderman admitted.

“Well, how about I just ask nicely, stalk them for a few days and if it seems like they might tell someone _then_ I blackmail them?” Deadpool suggested.

“I might be okay with that. But you have to tell me if that happens, okay?” Spiderman asked.

“Yeah, sure,” Deadpool said. The red men turned to Tony again. 

“... I’m not sure I like this,” Tony said uneasily.

“Well, when Deadpool tells me if it happens, I’ll tell you, okay?” Spiderman offered.

“... Fine,” Tony conceded. 

“So, you said you have a solution for my homework crisis?” Spiderman asked, leaning forward eagerly. 

“Kind of. I was planning to take you off school for a while anyway. I need you and Deadpool to do something for me,” Tony said.

“Like a mission?” Spiderman blurted.

“Yes, like a mission,” Tony answered.

“YES! Deadpool, we get to go on a MISSION! Hell yes!” Spiderman stood up, fist pumping the air. He then turned around and high fived Deadpool. 

“I need you guys to protect a shipping container for me,” Tony informed.

“A _shipping container_ ,” Spiderman breathed. “You hear that, Deadpool? A shipping container!”

“You’ll need to watch it for a day or two at least. Right now I have some bodyguards and Happy keeping an eye on it. But you guys are better suited for the job,” Tony said quickly. “Any questions?” 

“Just led the way, Tony!” Spiderman approved. 

“I have one,” Deadpool said. He shifted, looking serious. “Do we get tacos?” 

“Of course.”

\-----

Spiderman jumped onto the mattress, bouncing a little. It was the bed by the window. Perfect. “I bag this one!” he shouted quickly. Deadpool sniffed. 

“Have fun getting sniped,” Deadpool replied, lying down on the bed across from Spiderman. 

“Have fun not having a view,” Spiderman responded. “You know, all this hanging out with you is really getting me use to staying in my suit. I mean, I sometimes wear it underneath my other clothes, but staying in this suit for days with a mask on is kinda… unusual.” 

“I stay in my suit quite a lot anyway,” Deadpool said. He then pointed at the briefcase sitting on the chair opposite their beds. “Hey, is that thing Tony told us about?”

“Oh, cool! The last time I got a briefcase from Tony, it had my suit in it. And my suit is pretty fucking awesome,” Spiderman said, rolling out of his bed and walking over to the chair. After poking at the case for a bit, it popped open. 

“Oooh, pretty,” Deadpool complimented. He got off his bed himself to go and see the stuff inside. As soon as he got over, Spiderman shoved something in his face. 

“Feel like you’re doing a proper break in?” Spiderman asked, chuckling to himself. Deadpool pulled the thing away and saw it was binoculars. 

“These work much better than my hands,” Deadpool noted, peering through them. He tried to look at Spidey, but he was too close and out of focus. Instead, he turned to the window, looking outside. “Wow, these are really good, Spider-boy. I can see people on the street, all the way down there!”

“Deadpool, come look at this,” Spiderman instructed. Deadpool put down his binoculars and went back to the case. Spiderman held out a weird metal oval. 

“What is it?” Deadpool questioned. He tried to poke it, but Spiderman pulled it away.

“I think I’ve heard about these. They’re like a weird energy thing. If it’s what I’m thinking of, then it can be put into different settings to do different things.”

“Like what?”

“Like an energy bomb. Or an energy prison. I don’t think it lasts that long though,” Spiderman replied thoughtfully. 

“It looks like an egg. A metal egg,” Deadpool decided. “Hey, Spidey, do you think robot chicken would lay metal eggs?” 

“... I hope that by the time we can create robot chickens, we will have found a material other than metal to use,” Spiderman answered. 

“Imagine if there was a robot chicken like Tony’s suit,” Deadpool said, chuckling to himself. Spiderman laughed.

“Yeah, that would be awesome. If I was him, I would program it to fly around next to me when I went into battle,” Spiderman said.

“The enemies would be so confused,” Deadpool agreed.

“They’d be like ‘oh, have you heard about Iron Man’s chicken? It’s fucking terrifying, it totally clawed up my friend's face’.” Spiderman put his hand over his mouth to try and stop himself from laughing, but then looked at Deadpool and started again.

“I want a robot chicken now,” Deadpool said. 

“Yeah, me too. I don’t think Tony will be as keen on the idea though.” Spiderman sighed. “Maybe we’ll have to sneak into Stark Industries again and slip the idea to Friday.”

Deadpool examined Spiderman through the binoculars - which he had back to front. He laughed a little, waving his hand in front of them.

“Sounds good to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so not the final chapter.
> 
> I was planning on it, but it wasn't working. I couldn't get it to be how I wanted and I'd barely written a quarter of it(yes, even after a month). Today I decided to scrap the old idea and write where it took me. It didn't quite lead me to the end, so this means more chapters for you guys! :D
> 
> I'm really sorry it took me so long to update. I have some spare time this weekend... so hopefully some more then? Thank you all so much for all your comments and kudos - I check them pretty much every day and they help me to keep writing even when it's getting difficult. 
> 
> <3


	7. VIOLET

Spiderman lay on the top of a shipping container, binoculars held loosely in his left hand and a slice of pizza held in his right. His mask was pulled up, bunching around his nose. It was kinda tight but totally worth it for the pizza. 

He took a bite of his pizza, humming with delight at the taste. Across from him, Deadpool sat with his legs crossed. Like him, Deadpool had a slice of pizza in one hand but instead of binoculars he was holding the metal egg. 

“How many pizzas do you reckon this egg could cook, Spidey?” Deadpool asked, turning the metal thing over in his hand. 

“I don’t know. Probably a lot though,” Spiderman replied. Deadpool twisted around. 

“Don’t you do physics, Spidey? Can’t you calculate it? Do some maths-y shit to work it out?” Deadpool questioned.

“... No.” Spiderman took another bite of his pizza. He looked through his binoculars, quickly checking the container they were meant to be keeping an eye on. Nothing seemed to be happening, so he put them down again. 

“What’s the point in going to school if you can’t find out how many pizzas a metal egg can cook?”

“Who knows, Deadpool,” Spiderman answered. Kinda bored, he pressed some of the buttons on the side of the binoculars. He lifted them up again, peering around the area. Everything was a mixture of greens and blues, sometimes yellows. He turned to Deadpool, who was orange and red. “You look funny.”

“So do you, Spidey. You’ve got pizza sauce on your cheek,” Deadpool replied calmly. He started laughing when Spiderman went to wipe his face. 

“Thanks.” Spiderman stated grumpily. “What I _meant_ was the binoculars make you look funny.” 

“Oh? You should try them backward,” Deadpool said. He took a bite of his pizza, which was yellow. 

“I think it’s got thermal imaging. You’re all orange and red,” Spiderman told him.

“That sounds way cooler than this egg thing.” Deadpool eyed the metal egg in question. 

“We can switch?” Spiderman offered. 

“We did that before. Everything always seems so much cooler when you have it,” Deadpool sighed. “Maybe I just need to press some of the buttons…”

“No! No, don’t do that! You could accidentally set it off,” Spiderman warned. “And I think that’s kinda a psychology thing.”

Deadpool frowned. “The metal egg?”

“No, the wanting things only when other people have them. Like, I could have a plate or something that you see every day, but because there’s only one of them between us and I have it, you immediately want it. But if there was a stack of plates and we both had some..,” Spiderman trailed off.

“I wouldn’t want it anymore. Huh, that’s pretty cool, Spidey. It doesn’t stop me from wanting the binoculars, though,” Deadpool said. 

“We could go back to our room and get the other stuff. We’re meant to have a break soon,” Spiderman said thoughtfully. 

“YOU DON’T CALL THIS A BREAK?” Tony’s voice suddenly said in his ear, super loud. There was a short pause then, “Sorry, I forgot to turn the volume down. Are you alright, P - Uh… Spiderman?” 

“... Fine,” Spiderman replied weakly, resisting the urge to clutch his ears. He took a big bite of his pizza to distract himself. 

“But seriously, you want to take a break from lying in the sun on top of a container, eating pizza?” Tony questioned.

“We’re still watching the container!” Deadpool protested. 

“Yeah, plus, Deadpool wanted some binoculars,” Spiderman added. 

“I know, I heard,” Tony replied. “You guys are doing a crap job of watching the container if you didn’t notice a guy in a shiny metal suit going into it.” 

“Wait, you’re here?!” Spiderman exclaimed. He turned to Deadpool, “Stay here.” 

Spiderman jumped off the edge, rolling into his landing on the ground. He sprung back onto his feet and ran for the container. 

“I’m not really there, kid,” Tony told him. 

Spiderman skidded to a stop. 

“Wait, really? Was this just a test? Oh sh - sorry, Mr. Stark!” 

“... Calling me Mr. Stark to get on my good side, kid?” Tony asked. “A good attempt, but it’s a bit of a miss considering I actually did send one of my suits to go and see just how good your security was.”

“... Oops?” 

“It was Spidey’s fault!” Deadpool shouted from the container. 

“Thanks, Deadpool.”

\------

 

“Hey! That’s _my_ Spidey!” Deadpool shouted at the attacker who had only taken a single step towards Spiderman. The attacker hesitated, probably a little bit frightened of Deadpool's angry tone. 

Spiderman - who was currently tied up - couldn’t really do anything to stop it. Finally, the attacker decided, choosing to take a few hurried steps towards Spiderman. They were bringing a gun up to Spiderman’s head when Deadpool barrelled straight into them. 

At this point, it was probably important to note that Deadpool was missing a few body parts. Some smaller, less important things like his left thumb and an ear - but also something much more important. 

His right foot. 

So there Spiderman was, being forced to watch with his hands and feet bound as Deadpool hopped around and fought off the attackers. Yes, it was ridiculous. No, there wasn’t anything Spiderman could do to help. He tried, but the most he got in was a very, very light head butt to an attacker's shoulder. 

Yes, he was very embarrassed about that. He wished he could say nobody noticed, but Deadpool had actually stopped - _right in the middle of fighting someone_ \- to point and laugh at Spiderman. That was when his foot got chopped off. 

If you asked Spiderman, Deadpool definitely deserved that. 

“Oh, man, is that my foot?!” Deadpool exclaimed, having tackled another attacker. Deadpool picked it up from the ground and examined it. 

“Hey, Spidey, if I hit this guy with my foot, would I be hitting him or kicking him?” Deadpool called out. 

Spiderman, who had a piece of duct tape over his mouth, could not answer. 

“I punch-kicked you! I punkicked you! Or is it… kiched? Kinched?” Deadpool questioned, hitting the guy with his foot. He then lifted himself off the ground, wobbling then hopping in an attempt to get his balance. 

Then, with a loud war cry, Deadpool launched his foot at one of the attackers who had been hovering nearby. 

It was probably the craziness of it that really gave Deadpool the upper hand in this. Who _wouldn’t_ be able to defeat a guy who had just had his foot cut off?

But Deadpool was unstoppable. He hopped around with an amazing amount of energy, alternating between tackling and taunting the attackers with ease. Sometimes he even tackled _and_ taunted them, which was pretty damn cool. 

When there was only one final attacker standing amongst the four defeated forms of their teammates, Deadpool seemed to have mercy. With a knife in his hand, Deadpool eyed them and said, 

“If you’ll buy us some tacos, I’ll let you go.”

The attacker - who wasn’t exactly trembling with fear but wasn’t exactly _not_ doing that either - paused. 

“I only have my card on me. I don’t carry around cash on missions,” the attacker said. 

“We can all go together then!” Deadpool said excitedly. He hopped back to Spiderman and cut his friend free. “We can be called the _Taco Trio_!”

Spiderman ripped the duct tape off his face. “You need to be more creative, Deadpool. You just replaced the word ‘two’ in our _Taco Two_.” 

“... How about _Taco Triplets_?”

“Same problem. And we aren’t triplets,” Spiderman replied. 

“But we could be! We all have masks on, no one will know,” Deadpool argued. Spiderman gave him a pointed look. “Ugh, fine. No names for the _Taco_ , uh, _group_. We go and have tacos and whenever someone asks for our name, we can be all mysterious and say ‘ _we have no name_ ’.”

“Sure, Deadpool,” Spiderman agreed. He walked over to the attacker, grabbing their arm. “Come on, let’s go get those tacos.”

\-------

 

“Mmm! Delicious! Thank you mysterious attacking person!” Deadpool said through a mouthful of taco. The mysterious attacking person nodded. 

“I think we’re going to have to tip extra. Deadpool is getting blood everywhere,” Spiderman said. He took a bite of his own taco, enjoying the amazing flavour. It was almost worth getting tied up for. 

Actually, no, tacos were _definitely_ worth getting tied up for. 

“SPIDERMAN, DEADPOOL, WHERE ARE YOU AND WHY IS THERE A PILE OF UNCONSCIOUS PEOPLE OUTSIDE OF THE SHIPPING CONTAINER?!” Tony’s voice suddenly exclaimed in his ear. Deadpool nearly dropped his taco. Spiderman actually did drop his taco. 

“My taco!” Spiderman said in shock, looking at the remains of his food. Half of the contents were scattered out across the table. Then he wailed, “ _My taco_!”

“... Are you out on a food break? I thought I told you guys to tell me when you’re taking a break! Wait, how did all these unconscious people get here?” Tony questioned, quieter this time. 

“Taco-ruiners don’t get to ask questions!” Spiderman said, crossing his arms even though Tony couldn’t see him. He made a mournful noise at his food. 

“... Deadpool?” Tony asked hesitantly. 

“We don’t talk to taco-ruiners, Ant,” Deadpool answered. His voice was muffled with his own taco, which he then held out to Spiderman. “Want some, Spidey?”

“Thank you,” Spiderman said, tears forming in his eyes as he took the taco from Deadpool’s outstretched hand. He took a bite of the taco, sobbing into it. “Thhh-unk ooo.”

“You’re welcome,” Deadpool replied, sounding almost like he was crying himself. Then, softer, “Anytime.”

“Are you guys _crying_?” the attacker person questioned. Spiderman nodded miserably, taking another bite of the taco. He then handed it back to Deadpool. 

“He lost a _taco_. What, are you saying you’re too tough to cry over a taco? Well, guess what, everyone cries over tacos, okay! Everyone!” Deadpool exclaimed. He took an angry bite of his taco. 

“... Um, sure. Are you guys nearly finished though? I kinda got other stuff to steal so… you know,” the attacker said, shifting uncomfortably. “Plus, I was planning on doing my shopping today.”

Spiderman nodded sympathetically. “I get it. You can go, just pay for the stuff before that. I hope your shopping goes well.”

“Thanks,” the attacker muttered, rising from their seat.

“Don’t forget to tip. They deserve it for putting up with all the blood and masks and stuff,” Spiderman added. 

“Ye - oh, shit!” The attacker fell backward suddenly, into Spiderman. Instinctively, he leaped into action, pulling the attacker behind him and scanning the area for dangers. 

Instead of danger, he found a human sized metal suit heading straight for him. 

“Oh,” Spiderman said.

“Oh?” Deadpool repeated, turning to see what the fuss was. 

“Oh no,” the attacker whispered.

\------

 

“‘Just hanging out’? ‘We were only getting tacos’?” Tony asked, doing over aggressive quotation marks with his fingers. He leaned back in his hotel-room chair, which squeaked loudly at him. He frowned at it.

“Yes? I mean, they were stealing from you, not us. Why would we need to have a problem with each other?” Spiderman replied. 

“Didn’t you say that they tied you up? Didn’t they make Deadpool’s foot look like _that_?” Tony said, gesturing to the foot in question, which looked child-sized by now. 

“The second part was Deadpool’s fault, though. He was too busy laughing at me when he was meant to be fighting,” Spiderman argued. Deadpool chuckled. 

“But you should have seen yourself! There’s this person holding a gun to your head, looming over you and you just… bumped his arm! So weakly,” Deadpool recalled, bursting in laughter. Spiderman huffed. “Aw, Spidey, you’re too cute.” 

“I was tied up! I couldn’t help it,” Spiderman replied, defending himself.

“Sometimes, I underestimate your combined stupidity,” Tony announced. “But honestly, I expected it this time.”

“... You did?” Spiderman asked, confused. 

“Yes, I did. I sent those guys after you because I wanted to see just how terrible you guys were as bodyguards. I have to admit… you did better than I thought,” Tony informed. 

“You hear that, Spider-boy?! We impressed the famous Tony Stark!” Deadpool exclaimed. He and Spiderman high fived each other. 

“Well, you didn’t hear all of it. I sent more than just five people, you know. I thought I would give you a few minutes recovery in between, but when they arrived you guys had gone off for tacos!” Tony told them. 

Spiderman and Deadpool exchanged glances and then burst into a fit of laughter. 

“Hey! Don’t laugh at me, I didn’t think you guys would just _stroll_ off after a fight!” Tony exclaimed, crossing his arms. "You left a whole heap of unconscious bodies there!"

This only made them burst into further laughter. 

Tony sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've got to the end of the colour thing. Anybody got any idea what I should name the chapters next? 
> 
> I've been thinking about this for a while, and decided that I have no idea when this is going to finish, mostly because I look back at the chapters I've already written and want to write more. I ... don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Either way, I really appreciate everyone's comments! I honestly love them. 
> 
> I hope you guys liked this chapter! There a few things that I've already written for the next one and quite like. :D
> 
> <3


	8. WHITE

“I see,” Tony said, tilting down his sunglasses and stepping forward to get a closer look at the selection. “And this is the best stuff you have?”

“... Yes?” the supermarket employee said awkwardly. “Um, I’m sorry, but I don’t really know a lot about spray paints. Jerry from the butchery used to do some, uh… _painting_ and he said that this brand was best.”

Tony nodded, picking up one of the cans. After a little more careful inspection, he nodded happily and dropped it into his basket. He then grabbed a whole heap more, filling his basket to the brim. 

“That’ll about do it,” he muttered. He crossed ‘SPRAY PAINTS FOR MASTER PLAN’ off his shopping list. 

“Sir, I’m sure you’re not doing anything illegal but I have to ask… Are you, uh, doing anything illegal?” the employee asked. 

Tony pulled out his wallet and took out two hundred dollar notes. “Here. Give some of this to Jerry from the butchery.” 

“Are you bribing me?!” the supermarket employee spluttered.

“Yes. Do you want it or not?” Tony said, waving the money around. The employee nodded and snatched it out of his hand, staring at it with shock. 

“... I can’t believe I just got bribed… at a supermarket. Is this a dream?” 

“Maybe,” Tony answered mysteriously, stalking off towards the counter. The employee remained still, eyes glazing over. When they finally shook their head and snapped out of it, Tony was gone. 

\------

“What is this?” 

“You can’t tell?” Deadpool asked, leaning into Tony’s space to look at the piece of paper. He pointed at a part of it, “See, that’s a wing -” 

“It looks like a carrot,” Tony stated. 

“Yeah, well, Spidey didn’t have any red pencils. Seriously, what kind of student _doesn’t_ have every colour of the rainbow? I think Spidey might be failing school,” Deadpool replied. 

“Just because I can’t calculate how many pizzas a metal egg can cook does _not_ mean I’m failing school. You need to give me something to work with!” Spiderman interjected from the gymnastic area. He was climbing on some strange metal contraption, leaping and swinging around in a seemingly random pattern. 

“We were eating pizza and I was holding the metal egg! Can’t you tell from looking at it?” Deadpool responded. 

Spiderman paused in his movement, stopping to stare directly at Deadpool with wide eyes. 

“Don’t look at me like that! I didn’t pay any attention in school,” Deadpool huffed. He turned to Tony, only to see the exact same wide-eyed look on his face. Tony then shook his head and snapped out of it. 

“You have a worrying lack of understanding of science,” Tony told Deadpool seriously. Then, with a thoughtful look crossing his face he added, “Though science goggles do sound very interesting.”

“No! No science, only drawings. See, look at my art! Wasn’t that a subject in school? Or something? Tell me what it is,” Deadpool said insistently, forcing Tony’s attention back to the paper. 

“So that’s a carrot -” Tony started. 

“Wing,” Deadpool corrected.

“- and those look like… two lightning bolts?” 

“They’re legs actually.” 

“Hm… I think that’s an eye there. It looks demonic,” Tony said. 

Deadpool shoved his face close to the paper, squinting. He pointed at a bit. 

“There?” he asked. 

“... Yeah?” Tony answered hesitantly.

“Yes, that’s an eye! Ha, take that Spidey! He knew it was an eye!” Deadpool exclaimed, getting so excited he ended up hugging Tony. “Wow, it’s been like, two seconds and you haven’t shoved me off yet. Our relationship really is improving!” 

“I just wanted to get something,” Tony said. Then he pushed Deadpool off, kicking out his foot so Deadpool tumbled over. 

“I can feel our love in the air, Ant! It’s so beautiful…,” Deadpool sighed happily, propping himself up on his elbows so he could gaze at Tony. 

Tony scanned the room, paper clutched in one hand and a knife in the other. 

“Do you always carry around knives, Ant, or is it only around me?” Deadpool asked. Tony walked away so Deadpool wailed, “No! Ant, don’t leave me!” 

“Go away, Deadpool,” Ton said, striding off in the direction of one of the padded areas. Deadpool whined, getting into a crouching position and leaping after Tony. He landed with a loud thud on the floor, inches away from Tony. “What are you doing?”

“What are _you_ doing?” Deadpool replied, gazing dreamily at Tony. 

“Go away,” Tony repeated, turning around to march off again. Except, as soon as he turned, Deadpool leaped out with a cry and scrambled to him, wrapping his arms - and then himself - around Stark’s legs. 

Tony stopped and looked down at Deadpool.

“Your legs are so warm. So bony. They’re perfect,” Deadpool said, patting Tony’s legs. “You know, you have way bigger calves than I thought. Do you do swimming, Ant? Oh! Are you a secret swimmer?”

“A… secret swimmer,” Tony echoed. He surprisingly hadn’t moved yet, despite the fact that he was holding a knife. 

“Yes! Do you swim in your spare time but you’re too scared to tell anyone about it? Trust me, Ant, if you aren’t a professional swimmer the only place a normal person would swim is in a water fountain. And even then, you’re only meant to do it once a year! It doesn’t really allow you to build up the muscle you would want in your calves,” Deadpool answered sadly.

“A water fountain?” Tony asked, sounding slightly horrified. 

“Not a drinking one, silly. One of the big ones they have - the ones that usually have statues in the middle!” Deadpool informed. 

Tony gazed for a long, long while at Deadpool, eyes wide with what seemed to be wonderment. Deadpool blinked prettily and tried to pose whilst still holding Tony’s legs, clearly basking in the attention. 

“I can’t believe you,” Tony murmured. 

“Aw, thanks! You’re so kind today, Ant. You’ve only pushed me once!” Deadpool said.

“Spiderman -” Tony began. 

“No,” Spiderman interrupted. Tony and Deadpool turned to him. 

“But -” Tony tried. 

“You said you’d take him today! You _promised_ ,” Spiderman insisted. Tony frowned. 

“Please?” Tony asked. 

“I’m confused,” Deadpool said. Spiderman looked at him.

“It’s alright. Just hold onto Tony’s warm legs and everything will make sense,” Spiderman told him soothingly. Deadpool sighed, resting his face against Tony’s leg.

“You’re so right, Spidey,” Deadpool murmured. 

“I - You - He -” Tony struggled. “You can’t do that!”

Spiderman shrugged and turned away, jumping over the metal bar thing he was on and then diving across through them. 

Tony huffed and sat down on the floor, careful not to land on Deadpool. Once he was down, Deadpool immediately rearranged himself so his arms were looped around Tony’s waist. 

“I have no idea how Spiderman has survived this long,” Tony muttered to himself. He then tapped Deadpool’s head and pointed at the drawing. “Hey, Deadpool. If you go and give this drawing to Spiderman then I will give you a pair of socks I forced Captain America to wear once.”

Deadpool looked at the drawing for a moment, then at Tony. “... I need you to promise something first.”

“Is it something bad?” Tony asked. 

“No!”

“I think it is something bad,” Tony said.

“It’s not!”

“You aren’t very convincing,” Tony informed, patting Deadpool’s head lightly. Deadpool hummed happily. 

“I just want you to make a robot chicken,” Deadpool said, pointing at the orange and yellow drawing. “Like that!”

“I suppose I could do that,” Tony agreed reluctantly. 

“It has to be like your suit though, right? I want you to make an Iron Chicken!” Deadpool said more confidently. 

“I guess that would be okay.”

“And you have to fly into battle with it!” Deadpool added. 

“I’m not sure -” Tony tried. 

“And it has to have sharp claws. _And_ you have to keep it as a pet!” 

“Deadpool,” Tony growled and Deadpool frowned at him. “I promise to make the robot chicken. Anything else… no promises.”

“Ugh, fine. But you have to give me the socks too,” Deadpool conceded. 

“Sounds like a deal. Now go and annoy Spiderman,” Tony commanded, trying to pluck the red man’s hands off of him. Deadpool let go slowly, looking sad. 

Then Deadpool quickly leaned forward and squeezed Tony again briefly, pulling back just as fast. “Gotcha!” he exclaimed, cackling as he ran away. 

Tony sighed. At least that was over.

\------

Someone knocked on his door. Three single taps, fast and insistent. Matt - who was half-way through changing into his Daredevil suit - stopped and listened closer. He heard shuffling, shoes squeaking a little against the wooden floor, and heavy breathing. Matt recognised the heartbeat immediately.

Foggy.

Originally, Foggy hadn’t exactly been keen on the Daredevil thing. They’d settled into a kind of in-between - the kind of ‘ _we-don’t-talk-about-it-but-we-both-know_ ’ in-between. Recently, though... Foggy seemed a bit more open to the concept of Matt being a vigilante. Which made him wonder, was he meant to take his suit off now or leave it on? 

“Matt, I know you’re in there,” Foggy called from outside. His shuffling had increased, along with his heartrate. Was Foggy... nervous?

With a grunt, Matt hurried up and tugged his suit up onto his shoulders, adjusting it and then zipping it up at the back. He left his mask on the bench and headed for the door. 

“Matt -” Foggy called again but stopped when he saw the door was opening. “Finally. I think your neighbours haven't forgotten about the _incident_ yet.”

“Hey, Foggy,” Matt greeted. Foggy went still, his breathing going all funny. Matt frowned. “Foggy?”

Foggy let out a snort, and then quickly drew his hand back to cover his mouth. Matt tried to sense if anything was out of the ordinary in his surroundings - but there was nothing he could find. 

“Foggy?” Matt repeated, confused. “What are you laughing at?”

“Matt -” Foggy began but started laughing again. He took a deep breath, probably trying to calm himself. “Your suit.”

“My suit?” Matt echoed, running his hands over it. Nothing seemed to be wrong. “Did I not clean it well enough?”

“You could say that,” Foggy replied. He pushed past Matt and went for the couch. “Your suit is bright yellow. Like, neon yellow. It’s got zebra stripes. _Purple_ zebra stripes.”

“... how…?” Matt questioned, trying to think of how this could have happened. A memory surfaced - a memory involving Tony Stark. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Foggy repeated. 

“ _Tony Stark_ ,” Matt growled. He stalked across the room, heading for where he’d left his phone. 

“Tony Stark? Like, Iron Man Tony Stark?” Foggy asked. 

“Yes, that Tony Stark. He’s tried this before,” Matt answered. He found his phone and went through his contacts.

“You’ve met _Tony Stark_ before?! And you didn’t think to tell me?” Foggy gasped. “Wait, are you calling him right now?!”

“I don’t have his number,” Matt said. 

“Oh. Who are you calling then?” Foggy inquired, calming down a little. 

“Have you heard about Spiderman?” Matt replied. 

“ _Spiderman_?!” Foggy exclaimed. He clutched his chest dramatically and fell back into his seat. “Matt, you are the worst friend ever.”

Matt tilted his head.

“Don’t do that. If you were a good friend, you would have told me you’d met Spiderman! You should have told me you met Tony Stark too! What’s next, you’re gonna say you’ve met Captain America?” Foggy paused, taking in a deep, horrified breath. “You haven’t met Captain America, have you?!”

“I haven’t met Captain America,” Matt said. 

“Oh, thank god,” Foggy murmured. 

Spiderman was the seventh person down in Matt’s contacts. To be honest, Matt didn’t have many contacts, so the number was pretty easy to find. He pressed the call button. 

The phone dialed - and was picked up almost immediately. 

“Hello?” said the voice of Spiderman, who sounded really young now that Matt thought about it. 

“Spiderman?” Matt asked. 

“Ohmygod, is that Spiderman?!” Foggy gasped. “Tell him I think he’s cool!” 

“Shhh!” Matt hushed, but apparently Spiderman had heard him because he was chuckling. 

“Who said that?” Spiderman questioned. 

“No one,” Matt said, then after a look of outrage from Foggy, “Just my friend. He’s kind of a fan.”

“How does he even know about me? Wait, it’s not the videos on youtube, is it?” 

“It probably is,” Matt replied. “I’m calling about Iron Man.” Foggy was not-so-subtly inching closer. Matt sighed and put the phone on speaker.

“Iron Man? You mean Tony Stark?” 

“Dude, no one calls him Iron Man anymore,” Foggy remarked and then quickly slammed his hand over his mouth. “Oops. Hi.”

“Hi,” Spiderman said awkwardly. “Are you Daredevil’s friend?”

“Oh! You guys don’t know each other’s identities - oh crap. Am I breaking some sort of superhero secrecy rule? Wait, what if I accidentally -” Foggy worried. 

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Matt assured. And then, a little more seriously, “We can trust each other, _right_?”

“Of course! Maybe you should join me and Deadpool for a game of snap sometime. You wouldn’t think it, but there’s nothing like children’s card games to build up trust!” Spiderman replied cheerfully. 

“That sounds _awesome_. Can I join? Oh, wait! Do I have to wear a mask? Hey, can I borrow a scarf?” Foggy asked. 

“No.” 

“Aw, come on, M - M… nothing. Nothing. Oh, god, I really shouldn’t do this secret identity stuff. I’m bad at keeping secrets when I’m excited,” Foggy decided, backing away. Matt rolled his eyes. 

“How about we worry about my suit first?” Matt offered. Foggy nodded quickly. 

“Your suit?” Spiderman asked. 

“Yes. _Tony Stark_ did something to my suit. It’s… the wrong colour,” Matt answered. 

“Understatement,” Foggy mumbled. “You look like a zebra gone wrong.”

“Oh no,” Spiderman blurted. “If he’s done something to yours, then he’s probably done something to _mine_.”

There was some rustling on the other side of the phone, then a horrified gasp. 

“It looks _horrible_ ,” Spiderman groaned. “It’s _aqua_.”

Foggy snorted. 

“Hey!” Spiderman said indignantly. 

“Sorry! It’s just so… ridiculous. Are you sure Tony Stark did this? The rich, famous guy Tony Stark?” Foggy questioned. 

“Yes,” Matt and Spiderman said, in sync. 

“Wow. Superheroes are _way_ weirder than I thought that they would be,” Foggy noted. 

“That’s a generalised statement,” Matt replied. 

“Oh, don’t worry,” Foggy said, reaching over to ruffle Matt’s hair. “I was including you.”

“... Thanks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, this chapter was SO difficult. Honestly, for some reason writing the trio became close to impossible and whenever I did it felt clanky and off. Thank you to all of you for sticking with this fic and giving me comments and kudos - I love them so much and when I'm feeling down about my writing it helps. 
> 
> I'm sorry this took a while. And also, I keep saying that I'm going to finish it then deciding not to. It's just... the story doesn't want to finish! Maybe it will, soon. The main reason I want it to is because I have another Red Team Trio fic that I've started writing(very similar to this one... but with a few changes). 
> 
> I really hope that you guys liked this chapter! :D
> 
> <3
> 
> (What did you guys think of Foggy? I only had a tiny bit of trouble with him at the start, but once I got into it, he was quite fun! I'll probably include him in the next chapter if you guys want that)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure exactly what I'm writing, but it sure is fun. I got inspired by the new Spiderman movie, though I must sadly admit that I need to catch up on the Avenger's movies. Sorry for any inaccuracies. 
> 
> Either way, I thought it would be fun to have some of these three messing around. :D
> 
> EDIT: Hey, guys! I realise that I skip over detail a bit, so some of this fic may be a bit confusing(especially the first few chapters) so I would really appreciate any comments that would help me to fix it up! I'm going to go through and make it more smooth soon, so feel free to be picky(it would really help me out!). <3
> 
> (also I know this probably doesn't inspire anyone _that_ much, but anyone who helps me fix this up can also feel free to request me to fill a prompt/idea they want written - I would happily do it!)


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